Love Heals
by Natfanfirst
Summary: Sightly AU John never came to Llanview for the Flynn case. Jolie fic
1. Chapter 1

Love Heals Chapter 1 

Natalie Vega stood behind the bar serving drinks to every low life and drunk in Llanview and couldn't help but remember, remember a happier time, happier time in her life, when everything was new, a time not to long ago. A man of Latino descent sat in front of her and every time he spoke she couldn't help but grieve, continue to grieve, his voice so reminded her of what she lost, what was taken from her a year ago, reminded her of how life could be so cruel. She was not unfamiliar with such life cruelty since she faced it most of her life, but she really did think things were going to be better for her, life would be kinder to her, kinder since she found what she thought was missing from her life, found where she fit, her family, although she still sometimes felt like an outsider she found them, and then she found him, the man of her dreams, the man who would love her forever, the man she was suppose to spend the rest of her life with, have children with, grow old with. But she figured out it didn't matter what your last name was, or who you really were, cause if you weren't meant to have a kind life, you just weren't meant to have one, and Natalie Buchanan Vega knew all to well that her life wasn't meant to be a kind life. She realized it the day one dream came true and another died.

John Mcbain sat at his desk in his office for the last time, today he would finally leave, he would make a new start, a new start he told himself, a start to try and make things different, try to overcome life's obstacles, who was he kidding he wasn't leaving the FBI to make a new start somewhere else, he was leaving cause they were making him, he had pushed his luck once to many times with doing things his own way, with as they put it having a death wish, a wish not mattering if he lived or died only that he made his case, they insisted he either go for therapy or leave, so John McBain did what he did best of late and didn't obey, he resigned, signed the papers and was saying goodbye to a place and job that had cost him so much in life. Life, he thought now that was a joke, I have no life, no life since that day the job caused it to go away, the day it was killed, a dream of a life killed all those years ago, a dead dream, a dead wife, a dead life.

She couldn't help but watch the clock, it was almost time for her shift to end, for her to go home, go home she thought, now that was a joke, a dark cold house filled with emptiness, she was brought out of her depressing state when someone cleared their throat.

" Hey Nat, how are ya?" Michael Mcbain asked as he got her attention.

" I'm good Michael, what can I get ya?" Natalie asked with a small smile, just a small smile, nothing more, especially not towards Dr. Michael Mcbain, the bright young Dr might take a bigger expression as a sign to ask her out again, again for the tenth no maybe fifteenth time this month, Natalie shook her head she couldn't remember the exact number only that it was a lot, this guy, this smart Dr didn't get the picture, she wasn't interested in him, she wasn't interested in anyone, she wasn't even interested in life.

Michael told her what beer he wanted and she passed it to him. He tried to make small talk but it wasn't going very well, she was unresponsive as usual.

"Got any plans this weekend?" Michael asked and Natalie cringed, here is it, it was coming, he was going to ask her out again.

"Michael, your a really nice guy but as I've told you before I Just don---" Natalie started saying as he cut her off.

" Natalie, I know your not interested in me, I was just asking cause my brothers coming to town tonight and I'm having a small dinner party tomorrow for him, I wanted to know if you'd come. Please? Half the people I invited have the flu and I would really like to show my brother how nice of a place Llanview is." Michael said as he started to drink his beer

"And you want me to come? You think I would help show him how wonderful Llanview is? Why is it so important anyways? Important that he thinks it's so wonderful?"

" Well. Well cause he's been a real stranger to me most of my life and I've been trying to change things, change mistakes from my past, and I thought maybe if he saw what Llanview had to offer he'd stay awhile,"

"Excuse Me! Did you only invite woman" Natalie said twisting Michael intent

" I didn't mean it that way, I meant if he likes it here, likes the people, the town, if he likes it the way I do maybe he'll stick around, I know they still need a chief of Detectives at the LPD since the last one left, my brother just left his job with the FBI" Michael said mentioning the FBI and he saw her face change, her eye's got glassy and she became cold again, stone cold.

" I'm sorry Nat, I didn't mean to bring up the FBI, I know what today is" Michael said as he held out a hand to try and put it on top of hers that was resting on the counter, a gesture of compassion that Natalie didn't accept as she moved her hand quickly from his reach.

Natalie heard him bring up the FBI, how she hated those letters together, how she hated the damn FBI for screwing up her life, for taking her Christian away from her. Natalie looked at her watch and saw her shift was over,

" My shift's over, see ya" Natalie said as if the conversation never occurred, she gathered her stuff up from behind the bar and was headed towards the door when she heard Michael call out to her.

"Come tomorrow, it'll be fun, 7:00." Michael yelled to her, as she didn't stop moving towards the door, she didn't look back and she was gone.

John was attempting to park his car when he slammed on the brake,

"Watch out you Idiot!" john screamed to a red head as she quickly pulled out of her parking spot and didn't even see him as she sped off down the road. John shook his head in disbelief of how Michael had told him how nice everyone was in this small town so courteous, yeah, she was nice and courteous. He thought as he parked his car, got out and walked into the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

"Jonathan, You're here" Michael said all cheery as John approached him at the bar.

"Yeah, well I almost didn't make it here in one piece, some idiot just backed their car out in front of mine while I was trying to park." John said moodily as he realized this wasn't the way he wanted to start his visit off with his brother, the brother he hadn't seen in years, the brother he felt like he barely knew.

" So, how's things? Are you still working at the hospital in town? " John wasn't quite sure what to talk about with his brother so he started with the usual small talk, they caught up on things and after a few minutes they left the bar to go home and sleep.

Michael had booked John a room across the hall from his at the Angel square hotel, Michael handed John his key when they arrived on their floor and they both started to unlock their doors when Michael turned around.

" I hope you don't mind I planned a little dinner party tomorrow night so you could meet some of my friends." Michael said as John turned to look at him.

" A dinner party.. Oh, alright, No I don't mind, will there be a lot of people coming?" John asked really not liking the idea of meeting new people, he didn't like people much, and he had no use for them.

"Great, Not to many people maybe eight or ten, maybe eleven if this really beautiful red head I've been interested in shows." Michael said, as he got all dreamy eyed. John saw the star crossed look on his face and he laughed.

"She's that beautiful Huh?" John asked as he continued to grin

"She's so much more than beautiful, she's..she's..I can't describe it, you'll see if she comes tomorrow." Michael said as he leaned his back up against his door.

"Have you gone out with her?" John asked trying to be a good brother, trying to now be the brother Michael needed, acting like he knew how to do this, be a brother that is.

"No, not because I haven't tried, shit I've probably asked her out a dozen times or more in the last month but she's got issues, says she's not interested but I know if she got over her issues we could probably have something great. Sorry, I know your tired see you tomorrow" Michael said and went into his room for the night.

The night was long as it usually was and she couldn't sleep. She tried to remember a time when she got full nights sleep and she knew she hadn't since the night before he died. She tossed and turned thinking about him, wondering when she would be able to let go of all her pain, all her heartache, sorrow, anger. She knew she would have to soon but there just wasn't anything out there that made her want to do it, nothing made her happy, she couldn't even remember anything other than him and pool ever making her happy. She drifted off to sleep and into a dream state.

She looked around in her dream but she couldn't see anyone, everything was white, until she heard him, call her name, she ran to him, she ran towards her husband, her Christian but it wasn't him, it was a man with longer hair, scruffy complexion, but other than that she couldn't make out his face, he took her in his arms and held her, held her close and she cried, before Natalie knew it her alarm clock was going off and she needed to get up, she needed to see her Uncle Bo today, she needed to know if there were any changes in the status of the investigation into Chris' death in Vegas. She showered and got dressed for the day.

John jumped up in bed trying to remember, remember the dream he had just had, at first he had thought he would be dreaming of his wife, his Caitlyn, the one woman he dreamt of every night for the past five years but it wasn't her, not in his dreams, this woman had the most beautiful shiny long red locks that extended down to the middle of her back. he tried to remember her face but couldn't , all he could remember was holding her, holding her close as she cried in his arms. John continued to try and remember his dream when his cell phone rang. He answered it and it was Michael telling John he couldn't spend the day with him, that he got called into the hospital to cover a shift. Michael assured him that he'd be back in time for the dinner party. Michael also hinted around that if John was bored he could check out the police department, Michael bragged at what a great department Llanview had and what great cops worked for Llanview. John quickly got the hint that Michael was sending and ignored it. John told Michael he'd meet him later for the party and they ended the conversation. John got dressed and headed out the door to see for himself why Michael thought Llanview was so wonderful.

Natalie's morning already wasn't going good when she quickly turned into the parking lot of the police station, she quickly pulled in and parked her truck in the only available spot in the lot. She jumped out of her car and proceeded to walk into the station as she heard some man screaming behind her.

" What the hell was that? Did you get your license from a cracker jack box?" John screamed at the back of a woman who just cut him off with out even looking, and then she took the parking spot he had his blinker on waiting for. He was steamed and didn't notice anything other than his fury.

Natalie slowly turned around when she heard he was talking to her, talking loudly to her. Natalie turned and John looked and saw her face, the face of an angel he thought for a minute as he forgot what just happened. That was until Natalie fought back with her own words, loudly.

"What's your problem asshole?" Natalie said as she watched a stunned man stand there, he came off all pissy at first and now he couldn't even speak. John quickly regained himself when she insulted him.

"You took my spot and you were driving nuts! " John said realizing he was mistaken; she was no angel, not with that mouth.

"Ha! Have me arrested then" Natalie said as she walked into the station ignoring him.

Wonderful place Llanview, nice people, my ass! John said as he ran into the station behind her.

" I think I might do that" John said as he grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards the offices and the front desk of the station.

"Get you hands off of me! Now!" Natalie said making a scene trying to break free of his grip.

" Excuse me, excuse me, I'd like to have this woman charged with driving a car erratically" John told the lady behind the desk. Natalie was now more pissed than before and she bite down on his hand, he screamed but never let go off her arm.

" What's going on out here!" Bo yelled coming out of his office. Bo saw a man holding Natalie by the arm and he slowly took his gun out.

"Let go of her or I'll have to shoot you" Bo said pointing his gun towards John.

"Put your gun away, is everyone crazy in this small town, I just wanted to have her cited for reckless driving" John said as he let go of her arm

Bo saw him let her go and he put his gun away. Bo walked over to Natalie.

" Are you okay? What's this all about?" Bo asked Natalie as he looked into her eye's to make sure she was.

"I'm fine Uncle Bo, this jerk is just pissed at me for getting the last parking spot in the lot"

John heard her say uncle to the man who seemed to be in charge and he threw his hands up in the air, as if surrendering. The Bo guy told him to stay put and then he and his niece went into the office to talk for a few minutes. John thought about what happened, how he flew off the handle, how he was over reacting to the whole situation, how once she turned around outside he calmed down only to get more mad, mad for ridiculous reasons, and then to pull a stunt of bringing her into a police station to have her cited for bad driving, that wasn't him, this wasn't something common for John, he was usually very calm, mild natured when it came to people, not criminals, people. But, this red head, full of fire, full of spark, full of anger. She seemed to get under his skin. He watched as the two came out of the office and she looked at him with a phony smile and left. Bo motioned for him to come into his office and he did.

"First thing I'd like to say is I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare your niece, it's Just.. just.. now don't take this the wrong way but she's a little hot tempered isn't she? And sort of a bad driver" John said to Bo as he took a seat across the desk from him. He noticed Bo laughed and then so did he.

"I'm Bo Buchanan, commissioner of police here at Llanview and who would you be?"

" John Mcbain" John answered holding his hand out to shake Bo's.

" Now, getting to back to my niece, I suggest you don't put your hands on her again, or next time I'll let her use my gun, she's a much better shot than she is driver." Bo said and they both laughed. John and Bo continued talking for a few minutes till Bo realized John must be Michael's brother he was always talking about..

"So, your Michael's brother? The FBI agent? " Bo asked John

"Yes, that be me, how do you know Michael?" John replied looking down

" I know Michael thru my fiancée, she's a doctor, and as I recall Michael telling me last week, you don't work for the FBI anymore" Bo asked

" Yeah, that 's true" John answered looking straight at Bo this time

" Well, I don't know if Michael mentioned it to you but we here at the station are in desperate need of a chief of detectives." Bo asked and then he saw John's face telling him he knew nothing about it. Bo told John all the information about the job including the pay, and John told Bo he wasn't interested but assured him he would give it more thought.

Later that night about sixish Natalie was sitting alone having a TV dinner when she remembered Michael's invite. She really didn't want to give him the wrong idea by going but she.. She just was so tired of being alone, she debated going for a few more minutes when she remembered Jessica and Antonio would be there, so she went to her closet to find something nice, nice, not to nice to wear. After taking a few minutes to decide Natalie wore a royal blue tee shirt with a rounded neck and she threw on a pair of her favorite faded blue jeans, her most comfortable boots and her black belt with bronze buckle. She looked at herself in the mirror she looked nice, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary but nice, and she was comfortable. She headed over to Michael's place at the Angel square hotel.

Natalie arrived at the hotel a little passed seven thirty and she stopped at the front desk. She stood there for a few minutes getting panicky, she couldn't do this, not tonight, so she ran up the stairs passed Michael's floor and up to the roof, she went out on the roof and sat on the bench towards the back of the roof, she sat thinking, thinking and then waiting, waiting for the sun to go in, and within the next few minutes it did.

John was pretending to have a good time for Michael's sake, Michael was so glad he was here, he to was glad to be here, but his mind couldn't help but drift, drift to the angel he saw today, the angel with the foul mouth. He looked around the room and noticed there were maybe eight or ten people there and he was starting to feel smothered, he wasn't a party or big crowds type of guy. He told Michael he needed a little air and excused himself. He found his way to the roof and walked out on to it, he didn't even notice someone already up there when he closed the door and then walked over to the side of the roof to look out at the darkness.

Natalie saw the jerk the minute he walked out onto the roof, didn't he know she wanted to be here alone, she thought about saying something to him but she decided she wasn't in the mood for confrontation, so she quietly tip toed behind his back towards the door, she pulled on the door gently at first but it wouldn't open, so she yanked on it harder and she ended up throwing herself on his feet as he turned to look when he heard a noise. Natalie laid on his feet mortified, her hair in her face, she looked up at him and he was trying not to laugh at her but he couldn't hold it in, his laughter, and he laughed in her face, he leaned his hand down to help her up but she pushed it away and got up on her own.

"What are you laughing at, you Jerk" Natalie said wiping herself off.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't help it. Are you alright?" John said starting to contain his laughter. Natalie was fuming at this point, she didn't know who this guy was but he was a jerk.

" I'm fine!" Natalie said as she moved a few feet to try and open the door again but realized it was locked from the inside.

"It's locked, you've locked us up here" Natalie told John as she turned around to face him.

" Just Great! Perfect end to my perfect day!" Natalie said as she looked at her cell phone, the battery was dead.

"Now I'm sure it wasn't that bad of a day" John said with a grin. Natalie looked him straight in the eye with a look of hatred

"No, It wasn't that bad of a day if you consider being yelled at and manhandled by some jerk and then being locked up on the roof with said jerk, oh, and my battery on my phone is dead, No, just a freakin ordinary day." Natalie said in a rant and John couldn't help but laugh some more, it really was amazing how beautiful she was when she was mad, he thought, but again he hadn't seen her any other way yet.

Natalie heard him laugh and she realized she was being a bit extreme, not that she would let him see that she knew it, she ignored his laughing.

"I'm sorry again, I mean, I'm sorry about earlier about the police station and all" John said as he continued thinking how beautiful she was.

"Tell it to someone who cares" Natalie said as she again tried to open the door. She didn't want to be locked up here with his guy, this.. this . She wondered why she couldn't get the word jerk out again in referring to him.

"Do you have a cell phone? " Natalie asked him as she watched him move closer to her and the door.

" Nope, left it downstairs, let me try " John said as he pulled at the door but couldn't get it opened. John was actually glad for once he didn't have his phone on him and he was even a little excited to be locked on the roof, locked on the roof with her, foul mouth and all.

"Yup, it's locked" John said after continuing to try and open it for a few more minutes.

"No, shit Sherlock." Natalie said and then she walked passed him to go sit again on the bench.

" No, actually, it's John." He said as he followed her over to the bench, he put his hand out for her to shake, which she didn't. They stared at each other for a few minutes when John spoke again.

" Do you have a name, or should I call you angel" John said and he saw a confused look come over her. she said nothing as John took a seat next to her on the bench.

" Okay, angel it is" John said and then he saw Natalie soften, it was slight but she was softening towards him, he knew it.

"It's Natalie...Natalie Vega" she said as she tried to fight it but she let a small smile pass from her lips.

" Nice to meet you Natalie, Natalie Vega.' he said with a small grin and then again put his hand out for her to shake, this time she did.

" So, what are you doing up here on the roof, and all alone?" John asked as they sat next to each other on the bench. John was trying to get her to talk with him, trying to find out anything about this angel with a foul mouth. Natalie was hesitant at first to talk with him, she just wanted to be left alone, but then she felt something, something she couldn't describe and she opened her mouth, she opened up to speak to him, as if a feeling of comfort came upon her.

"I..I.. was suppose to be with friends but I..couldn't do it. Just didn't feel up to it, so I came up here to think, clear my head. " Natalie said as she got up from her seat and walked over by the side of the roof, John followed her over and started talking as if, as if comfortable.

"Yeah, I came up here for sort of the same reasons" John said as he stood next to her looking out.

" I love it up here at night, so peaceful, so clear, helps me to remember." Natalie said reaching out to John with her words

"What does a beautiful thing like you need to remember, what guy you're going out with this week?" John said flirting with her, Natalie knew he was flirting and she ignored it. She stood there for a few minutes and closed her eye's, she wanted to see his face, her husbands face, her Christian, the face she always saw when she closed her eye's but she didn't, she couldn't, she was trying to see his face in her mind so hard that she didn't even realize she was moving towards the edge of the roof.

John watched her, and thought she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He continued to watch her and she seemed to be struggling with something in her mind, her eyes were closed and she was moving forward, unaware that she was moving near the edge of the roof.

"Natalie, Natalie" John said as he tried to get her attention but she seem to have blocked him out. She got a little to close to the edge for John and he grabbed her by her waist and pulled her back toward him. He stood in front of her with his hands resting on her hips as she slowly opened her eyes.

" Are you okay? " he asked as he looked into her blue eyes

" I'm fine, Thank You," she said not pulling away from him, she looked him straight in the eye's and searched, as if searching for a reason to be on this roof with this man, on this night. They stood this way for a few minutes when it seemed their intense staring got the better of them. John leaned his head slowly in and kissed her. Natalie saw it coming and did nothing to stop it; she actually opened her mouth wider after the first kiss, telling him she wanted more. They kissed several times with each kiss getting more urgent than the first, when they felt wet, it was raining, and the rain came upon them as if a sign to slow down, slow things down. John let go of Natalie and she walked back towards a covered spot on the roof. John followed her over and stood next to her in silence until finally she tried to speak.

"I... I.. I don't usually kiss people I just met" Natalie said realizing what just occurred. He kissed her, this man she didn't even know, a man she didn't even like, he kissed her and she kissed him back. She thought.

" I don't either, I'm sorry It was my fault, I don't know what happened, I guess I just.. I just g--" John was saying when Natalie cut his words off.

"Lets just forget it, alright?" Natalie said but knew she wouldn't be able to, the way he kissed her, it was like nothing she had ever experienced before, there was a charge, a spark, a light. Natalie shook her head clear of their kiss and she started to shiver.

John heard her say to forget it and he nodded yes, but he didn't want to, that kiss had something to it that he had never experienced before, a light, a spark, a jolt. He was unsure of how to explain it when he noticed she was shivering.

"Are you cold?" John asked as he watched her continue to shiver underneath her wet clothes.

'No, I'm okay," she said but he didn't believe her when he took his arms and wrapped them around her from behind, rubbing his hands up and down her arms he tried to warm her. They stood speechless for a few moments.

Natalie couldn't believe what she was feeling, what she was letting him do, first kiss her now holding her to try and warm her, and his hands, his strong hands running up and down her mostly bare arms, she had just met him today, a little while ago, this was so not how Natalie was with people she didn't know. Yet she didn't protest, she didn't ask him to take his arms off of her, she just went with it, and with the feelings of comfort she felt in his arms.

John thought to himself as he moved his hands up and down her arms to try and warm her. What am I doing? I just met this girl, this angel with the bad attitude, with the warm heart, at least that was what his gut told him, his gut was telling him a lot of things tonight and he had hoped this wouldn't be the first time his gut let him down. a few more minutes went by and the rain seemed to be stopping when they heard the roof door open, they looked to see Michael walk out onto it.

"There you are John. " Michael said before he even saw Natalie, the minute they saw Michael John had removed his arms from Nat and walked out on the roof to greet him.

" I was looking all over for you, hey, Nat I didn't even see you there, what's going on?" Michael said as he noticed they were both soaked.

"The door was locked, we were locked out here" Natalie said as she stood next to John

" Both of you were locked out here, alone?" Michael asked and the two of them shook their heads yes.

"Okay, so I guess the two of you met, then?" Michael said and they both again nodded yes

"So, John what do you think of my red headed friend here" Michael said as John realized, realized this was the girl Mikey had told him about. John didn't acknowledge the question and Michael moved his focus to Natalie.

"So, what do you think of my brother?" Michael said as it registered for Natalie.

" You mean your brother the FBI agent?" Natalie said and John saw it, he saw her change back to that cold person he ran into at the station today.

"Ex-FBI agent" John said but it really didn't matter much what he said, she walked over to the door, turned briefly and said goodbye to Michael and left the roof.

"What's that all about?" John turned and asked Michael as he watched her leave the roof.

"It's a long story" Michael said

"Well, I have plenty of time" John said as they walked off of the roof.

They made their way to John's room so he could go inside and change, all of Michael's guests had left and he had a few minutes before having to go to bed. While John changed he thought about what happened on that roof, he kissed her, she kissed him back, there was something there, something that if the rain hadn't come they might have explored. John peeked out of the bathroom door and saw Michael looking at the television, Michael he thought, this was the girl he was talking about, the girl he was interested in, how was he going to tell his brother he kissed the girl that he was interested in.

" Natalie was great right?" Michael asked as John walked out of the bathroom

" Yeah, how was the party?" John asked wanting to change the subject and quick cause he didn't know how to handle this, handle the fact that he just spent an unbelievable time locked up on a roof with this girl, this girl that Michael liked so much.

"Party was excellent, even met me another red head, she and I actually have a lot in common. She came with a friend and we really seem to hit it off well." Michael said as John became relieved, relieved that Michael was fickle.

"What about Natalie? Not interested anymore?" John asked causally as he took a seat next to Michael who was already sitting on the couch.

"I guess I'm not anymore, Natalie's great but she and I, different, it's gonna take a strong man to tame her after all that's happened to her and I just don't think I'm that guy." Michael told John and then John needed to know more. He needed to know what it was that happened to her.

"What happened to her?" John asked

" Poor thing, her husband was killed last year in a FBI sting operation," Michael told John as he yawned and excused himself to go back to his room for some sleep.

Michael left and John let it really sink in, what he said, no wonder she reverted back to the coldness when she learned he was FBI or at least he used to be. She must hate all things associated with the FBI, and who could blame her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

John went to bed that night and he didn't dream, didn't dream about his Caitlyn he slept. A good nights sleep he hadn't slept in five years, he woke with a new found feeling of hope. He felt alive for the first time in five years, he thought about it and knew why, because of her, the beautiful angel he met yesterday, Natalie Vega. Michael said he and Natalie were different, he said she been thru a lot, her husband was killed, as was his wife Caitlyn, they had that in common, death, murder, misery. For John it had been five years, five long years and for the first time since then he felt like he could over come those things, death, murder, his misery, maybe with her, maybe together they could over come those things, that was if Natalie was ready, ready to live again, to feel again. There was something about her, something about the kiss they shared, something about how she fit his arms perfectly. He knew even if she wasn't ready yet, even if she wouldn't give him the time of day he would still try, try over and over till she was ready, then they would be ready together.

John was dressed an at Michael's door by seven am and he was ready, ready to find out all he could about Natalie Vega. John and Michael went to the diner for breakfast, and that was where John decided to ask Michael, ask him for help, ask him about her, tell him he kissed her.

Natalie walked in the park towards the diner, she was up early this morning and she felt different, different than she felt the passed year. She knew it was that kiss, the kiss she shared with John Mcbain, a stranger, how could a kiss shared with a stranger make her fell like this, she thought. But, she knew it wasn't just the kiss, it was the way he held her in the rain, the way he looked at her, as if looking into her soul. Natalie shook her head and then remembered, he was one of them, one of those bastards responsible for her Christian's death, one of those men and woman who did and used anybody or anything to make their case, not caring who got hurt, there's something cold hearted about someone like that, better to keep away from someone capable of those things, she thought as she walked into the diner only to see him sitting at a booth with Michael.

Natalie walked into the diner and John spotted her the minute she walked in, they made eye contact for a brief second until she moved out of the path of his eyes. Natalie moved behind the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee, she was turning to head back around the counter when Carlotta came out from the back and greeted her. They spoke for a few minutes all the while John never wavering his eyes from her. He watched her; stared at her, when Michael noticed him staring at something he turned his head to take a look.

"So, is that why all the questions last night about if I was still interested in Natty?" Michael asked as he turned back around to face John.

"John, John" Michael said waving a white cloth napkin in front of his face.

"What? I'm sorry Michael did you say something?" John asked Michael as he looked away from Natalie for just a minute.

"You've got it bad for her don't you?" Michael said when he noticed John couldn't keep his eyes off of her for more than a second

"Bad for her?" John said

"Don't even deny it, it's all over your face, even that blind man over there can see it." Michael said pointing to the local blind man in the corner.

" I wasn't going to deny it, I..I just didn't want to make you feel bad, feel bad about what I did" John said taking a sip of coffee while focusing his attention on Michael.

" What did you do that would make me feel bad, I know you didn't get lucky with Natalie on the roof last night, she's not the type" Michael said as he saw John's eye's again go towards Natalie.

"But I did, get lucky with her, lucky to have met her, lucky to have kissed her." John said forgetting that up until last night Michael had a crush on Natalie.

"Michael tell me about her" John asked Michael as his pager went off,

"That was the hospital, I've gotta go in, see ya later, " Michael said to John as he noticed John's eye's were still fixated on Natalie. Michael left and a few minutes later so did Natalie. John watched her walk out of the diner and he quickly ran out of the diner to follow her, he didn't even realize she was standing on the side of the building waiting, waiting to see if he would follow her. He walked right passed her and stopped to look around, he looked right, he looked left, but he must have missed her, he thought, when he heard someone tapping their foot.

"Looking for someone, agent McBain" Natalie said in a teasing sultry voice, what was wrong with her, she thought, didn't she just tell herself she was staying away from him?

"It's John, just John," he said as he approached her staring right into her eye's, he felt it the spark. He wanted to push her up against the building and kiss her hard, hard and long, he started breathing heavy just thinking about it and he came back to reality.

" Well, John, you know I could get a restraining order against you if you don't stop staring and following me" Natalie said still flirting, still teasing. No! She told herself, I'm not going to do this, I'm not going to play this game, play it with a man like this, a man I don't even know.

" You could, but you won't " he said as he moved even closer to her this time, close enough for Natalie to feel his breath on her skin, her neck to be exact. Natalie was losing all control, she was beginning to breath heavy having him so close, they were about an inch apart, staring at each other motionless, when the spark between them was just to much to ignore, john pushed her back a few feet till she was up against the building and ravished her mouth with his.

His hands went to the back of her head entangling in her hair while he kept pulling her head forward to deepen their urgent prolonged kiss. Natalie's arms flew around him the minute he pushed her against the building and she let him take her, take her lips, deeply, urgently, frantically as if not being able to get enough of them. She was caught up in it, the intensely that she felt and after a minute or so she realized this was wrong and she lowered her arms and pushed him back softly. John immediately felt her lips go numb, her arms were no longer around him, and she pushed him back.

"I.. I can't" was all Natalie said as she ran passed him, leaving John standing up against the building feeling like he had just made the biggest mistake ever.

Natalie ran all the way to the park before she stopped running. What the hell is wrong with me? She thought as she stood by the angel statue, I let him kiss me again, why? Why would I let him again? Why did I want him to? Why did I enjoy? And so much, she enjoyed it so much, so to the point that she found herself wanting to do other things with him, she wanted to feel him, she wanted to touch him and allow him to touch her, she wanted to make ... Natalie stopped her thoughts when she didn't even want to think about making love to anyone other than her husband. She looked up at the statue and wondered, wondered what Chris would think of her right now, what he would think of his wife making out with some guy she just met, up against his mom's diner in the middle of the morning. She was brought out of her thoughts when a man accidentally pushed passed her in a rush.

"Excuse me," the man said and Natalie nodded. She decided to finish her errands for the day before work, so she left the park alone, she only thought she was alone, their was a man following her, the same man that had pushed into her a few minutes earlier, he followed her to Foxy Roxy's and waited outside for awhile til he noticed she wasn't coming out that soon, so he left.

Later that night Natalie was working at Rodi's, it was a late week night and the place was almost empty except for a man sitting in a booth in the back by himself, Natalie thought nothing of it and she started to straighten the place up for the night, she cleared a table right next to the pool table and she stopped to look at it. She couldn't help but stare at it, how she would just love to pick up a stick and play, play until the sun came up but she couldn't, she hadn't, she hadn't since the tournament, the tournament that she won, one of the happiest days of her life, the day her dream came true and the day her nightmare occurred. The day Christian was taken away from her. She continued to think and she didn't even see him come over to her and start to stare.

John walked in and saw her by the pool table, she was staring at it intently, he walked over by her cautiously, not sure if she was going to run away screaming, not sure of how she was going to act when she saw him. He approached her.

"Wanna Play?" he asked her as she looked to see him standing near her, at first she was all set to shake her head no but instead she went over to the rack on the wall and picked up a stick. John saw her get a stick and he started to rack the balls. Without words Natalie broke and they played pool, they played several games with Natalie beating John every game, they played in silence, unaware of the man still in the back watching them.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Finally after five or six games Natalie spoke.

"It's closing time, you have to go" Natalie said as she put her stick away. Natalie looked around the room for the person that was in the back booth earlier but he was gone, she thought nothing of it and started putting the chairs on the tables. John started to help her with the chairs.

" What are you doing?" Natalie asked

"Helping" john replied continuing to lift the chairs

"I don't need any help, I do this by myself all the time," Natalie said giving him her hard cold look. John stopped with the chairs and without a word he left. John waited outside for her to finish up inside, he was determined to get her to talk, talk to him, say anything, if he could get her to open up just a little he knew he might have a shot with her, a shot to be with her.

Natalie came out of the door and locked it from the outside and started to walk home. She only got a few feet away from the bar when he approached her. He saw her begin to walk and he stopped her.

"Do you want a ride?" he asked as he caught her eye. How she didn't want to accept his offer for a ride, afraid, afraid to be in a car with him with the thoughts she had earlier. She shook her head no; proud of herself she started to walk away when it began to rain.

"Shit! Not again" she said and looked back at him in between the raindrops. He smiled when he heard her curse and he saw her grin. She walked back over to him getting soaked.

"Can I still get that ride?" she asked and he escorted her to his car.

They drove for a few minutes in silence when John broke the ice.

"Does it always rain this much here?"

"Yeah, it's our rainy season" Natalie answered and she let out a small laugh

"What's so funny?" he asked her with a grin

" I don't know.. I guess I really don't no if Llanview has a rainy season I didn't grow up here, my answer just sounded good when I said it" she said. So she didn't grow up here, John thought, now maybe I'll learn a little bit about her. Earlier today John had thought about having someone at the bureau get information on her but he found no fun in it, he wanted to learn about her first hand, he wanted her to tell him, he wanted her to want to tell him. And he also knew she was the type of person who would be pissed if she ever found out about it.

" Where did you grow up?" John asked her and waited for her answer as he saw her motion for him to make a right on the next block.

" Jersey, Atlantic city to be exact" Natalie said proudly, proud because even though she had a horrible up bringing she loved AC, she loved calling it home.

"No kidding" John said as he looked at her for a quick second while he continued to drive. He gave her a smile

"No, kidding, why? Don't tell me you're from Jersey too," Natalie said with a beaming smile that lit up the car.

"Atlantic City, to be exact" John said with his own bright smile, this was getting better, and better, they had something that made them both smile in common.

"Small world isn't it? My house is the one on the left," Natalie said as John pulled into her driveway.

"Thanks for the ride " Natalie said and she quickly got out of the car, she didn't want to spend any more time sitting and talking with him cause the more she did, the more she liked it, liked him. John watched her jump out of the car and then she tried to open her door lock but she seems to be having a hard time with it. He got out to help her.

"It's stuck again, it does this sometimes" she said as she saw him approach her.

"Let me try" he said and he moved his hand to try and turn the key in the lock but was to fast, he ended up putting his hand on top of hers. As soon as they felt each others skin they both turned at the same time and stared at each other as if a jolt went thru their bodies, they together quickly, urgently turned the key in the door and pushed it open with their bodies as his lips came upon hers.

As the door swung open John and Natalie bodies clung together as Natalie's hands went to the buttons of his shirt, she pulled her body away slightly to undo his buttons as John's lips started making their way down to her neck, they were both breathing heavy and urgently doing there tasks, finally Natalie got the last of his buttons undone and she let out a sigh of excitement as she leaned her neck up for him to further kiss and nibble on, Natalie could feel herself letting go, letting go of all her anger, she took her hands and placed them on his bare chest and felt his heat, his warmth, Natalie backed her body up a few feet taking him with her and John reached behind and closed the door.

Natalie reached her hand down to his belt and opened it while John's hands found a home on her chest, her heaving breast, he squeezed them each in one hand thru her tight fitting Rodi's tee shirt. Then he found one of her nipples with his thumb and he started teasing it as Natalie finished with his belt and started on his zipper she lightly grazed his erection with her hand as she undid his zipper, John was still working on seeing how hard he could make her nipples when he felt her touch him, a jolt radiated thru his body and he pushed her up against the wall next to the mantle of the fireplace. The urgently and the force of him pushing her caused a picture to fall to the ground, the glass from the frame broke and they both stopped out of breath to see it sitting on the floor facing up. Natalie took one look at the picture, her wedding picture and she stopped, and she looked at him with glassy eyes and ran upstairs to her bedroom.

John didn't know what to do; he caused this with the way he's been kissing her, with his aggressiveness. He'd been aggressive and he knew it but he couldn't stop himself, he wasn't just interested in having sex with her, he wanted to know her, but for some reason when they were close, he just couldn't help himself, he had to touch her, taste her. John sat waiting for her to come down but she never did, he waited a little bit longer but still she didn't. He blew it, he thought, she won't have anything to do with me after all this, she probably won't even talk to me ever again. All these years, all these years I've waited to find someone again, find someone who made me want to feel again, only to blow it cause I was impatient.

John sat on the brick hearth of the fireplace with his face in his hands when he felt her staring at him. He looked up into her eyes, he could tell she had been crying, crying cause he pushed to hard, how he just wanted to make things better, better for her.

"Why are you still here?" Natalie asked as she stood her distance, she didn't want to be any closer, not with what always happens when they were close.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright" John answered standing up facing her.

"I'm fine, leave" Natalie said staring him in the eyes, she could do this, she told herself, she could be strong around this man.

"I know you're not, I'm not leaving" John said as he saw her start to get pissy

"And you think you know me so well, after just a few days? I don't think so!" Natalie said moving closer, as if daring herself to be in control of what she was feeling.

"Well you seem to think I knew you well enough for what we were about to do" John said not backing down, hell he might have felt bad, felt this was his fault but the way she acted sometimes made him think she needed a good kick in the ass.

"You really are a jerk, you know that! A jerk! Get out of my house!" Natalie screamed getting even closer towards him while she got heated.

"Okay, I'm a jerk, alright are you happy, I admitted it, but I'm still not leaving till you convince me your alright" John said as he saw her move right in front of his face.

"Get out! I'm fine! I'm fine, I'm f..." Natalie screamed as she beat her fists on his chest, and then her rage turned to tears, he grabbed her and pulled her to his chest and held her as she cried in his arms.

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept saying over and over again as she cried on his chest. He wasn't quite sure what it was she was sorry about, was she sorry about what almost happened with them, or because she felt she was betraying her dead husband, or was it something he didn't know yet. He just continued to hold her till her crying stopped.

As soon as her crying stopped he softly pushed her off his chest, he looked at her and his heart was breaking, she was a mess, beautiful but a mess.

" Come on" he said and he led her towards the stairs

" No, I .. we.. ca--" Natalie tried to say as he lead her up the stairs into her room.

"I think you need some sleep," John said as he guided her over to the bed and pulled the covers back for her to get in, she did and he said goodnight. He was about to leave her room when he turned back and she was crying again, crying into her pillow. He couldn't leave her, not like this, he felt as if he would never want to leave her, he walked over to her bed, took off his shoes and got under the covers with her, she reached for him the minute he got under the covers and she went into his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

John woke the minute he felt her wake, her body moved a little but she didn't move out of his tight hold on her, she didn't speak but he knew she was awake, he unconsciously squeezed her a little tighter as he thought about last night, about how much he wanted to make this all go away for her, all this pain, all the pain he knew so well cause he'd been there, the same way, angry one minute, upset the next, thinking it was always going to hurt so bad. He was brought out of his thoughts when she spoke.

She knew he was awake when he tightened his grip on her, she slept in his arms all night, feeling his chest up against her back, feeling his security, feeling like she never wanted him to let go, a strange feeling came over her as if she felt this before, felt him holding her before, she continued to think and she knew, she knew it had to be her dream, the dream from the other night, the one that started with Chris' voice and ended with a man holding her, she thought about the dream some more and it was him, he was holding her in her dream, he was keeping her safe and warm, a feeling she hadn't felt in a year. She was amazed how she felt, amazed that she trusted him after such a short time knowing him, amazed by a connection they seem to have, that was the only way she could describe it, connection. She thought about if she wanted this, him, if she wanted to make herself open and let him in, and she realized she did.

"Hey" she spoke softly

"Can I talk to you? I mean are you interested in listening?" she asked softly afraid he was going to say no.

"Yes" John said as he nuzzled his nose in the back of her neck and hair.

" I'm not sure where to start but, I'd like to apologize for the way I've been acting, I really don't want to apologize for anything we did or was going to do cause, well, I enjoyed it, I enjoy you," Natalie said wanting him to first no this wasn't about him, not about him and her.

"Me too, go on," John said into her hair

"There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me, I have a lot of issues, mostly bad issues, and after I tell you about them I'm not sure if you'll want to spend anymore time with me or even want to get to know me," Natalie said again afraid, she wasn't sure if she was more afraid that he wouldn't want to stick around after hearing everything or if he would.

"Natalie, didn't I prove to you last night that I don't scare that easy, you don't have to be insecure about me wanting to be around you" John softly said again tightening his grip on her.

"Insecure should have been my middle name" she said and she felt his breath on her neck, he kissed her neck gently as if reassuring her that she should go on with her openness.

"Still not sure where to begin but, I'll start with my husband. I was married about a year ago, for a whole two days when my husband was killed, he was killed protecting me, trying to protect me from a man named Flynn Lawrence, but he wasn't the one who actually killed Chris, it was an FBI agent who played me. Played me for a fool, see I..I grew up playing pool, it was the only thing to do when Roxy, my adoptive mom was off getting drunk and feeding her addiction to gambling., she would leave me anywhere when i was younger and with anyone, she was a horrible mother, but I ..I don't want to get into that now, so pool, it became my passion, and I was good, good at it, and about six months before Chris' death he convinced me to enter a few tournaments and I did, and I won. That got the attention of Flynn. At the time I was unaware of what he wanted me to do, he had a man from his operation come and put on the charm and it worked, I fell for it hook, line and sinker, Flynn's man Stu, convinced me to enter the tournament and after I did he told me I had to throw it, he threatened to kill me if I didn't, I thought I could, throw it that was but when it came down to it, I couldn't, I didn't, I love pool and I was being stubborn and I refused to, as soon as I won, Stu, who I later found out was FBI, handed me over to Flynn, just handed me over, not wanting to blow this big case he had been working on for so long, " Natalie said and needed a minute to go on with the rest.

"I guess that's why you hate FBI, Huh?" John said and she moved to get up, she got out of his arms and went by her window and looked out into the morning sky.

"Yeah, that's why and so much more, so the son of a bitch handed me over to Flynn when I didn't throw the match and Flynn was about to shoot me but before he could Stu, took out his gun and also aimed it at me trying to win back Flynn's trust, there I stood with two guns pointed at me, I didn't think I was going to make it out alive, all of a sudden Chris rushes in thru a window, he and his brother Antonio, and they each go for one of the guys, Antonio got Flynn and his gun but agent fisher, Stu, he shot his gun off, off right into Chris' heart, right.., right into my heart. I felt it as if it was my own, and it bled. His heart and mine. The FBI covered their asses and I was left a widow after only a few days of marriage." Natalie said and then took a break; she continued to look out the window. John got out of her bed and went over to her; he stood behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you had to go thru that, I'm sorry that th--" John was saying as she cut him off.

"I don't want you to be sorry, I just want you to try and understand where I'm coming from, I haven't had an easy life, I was abducted from my real parents when I was born and raised by someone who didn't give a shit about me, then I found my real parents after having a miserable upbringing, some parts of it I've even blocked out cause they were so painful, but all of this, all of it, it was right, when he was alive, I was right when I had him, when he made things better for me, when he taught me to love, when he was the first person to love me and to show me how it felt to be loved, it wasn't fair, it wasn't. It isn't. My whole life was a mess when I met Chris, he's the one who made me feel whole, made me feel like i belonged, he just made me feel." Natalie said with her heart open, open for him to take, for John to take that is. She knew what she was doing, she knew if he wasn't scared off by her words, by her feelings, by who she was, that she could trust him, maybe even love him.

John removed his hand from her shoulder and took it and turned her around to face him. He stared right into those beautiful baby blue eyes.

"Can I be that for you.. I mean can I try and do those things for you now, let me" John said and Natalie reached up with her lips and gave him a sweet warm kiss, telling him, telling him she wanted him to, telling him she wanted him to be those things for her, she wanted him to make her feel right again, she wanted it so much. They both came out of the sweet kiss and looked at each other again.

"Do you have plans today?" he asked softly

" Not really" she answered

"Do you think maybe you and I can spend some time together, maybe we can get to know each other , I mean, maybe I can tell you about myself, that is if you're interested" John said still staring into her eye's

"Yeah, I'm interested" she said as she brought her forehead to touch his.

He gave her one last sweet kiss and she walked him downstairs to the front door, they made plans to meet in about an hour and they were going to spend the day together. John opened the door and before he walked out of it he saw a small box wrapped with a child's pink hair bow sitting on her stoop. He picked it up and turned to her

"What's that?" she asked as she saw him turn with it

"I don't know" John said and she motioned for him to open it, and he did. They looked at it and got a confused look on their faces. It was a sand pail and a box of sand.

" What? Is this a joke or something?" Natalie said as she thought maybe it was Roxy or even Rex doing something funny, well it wasn't funny, stupid maybe, confusing maybe, but not funny.

"It's probably just my mom, Roxy she does things like this, she's a few cans short of a six pack." Natalie said and John laughed, and he left.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Natalie sat on her couch all dressed and ready, ready for John to pick her up for a night of pool and burgers, today was her day off and they had spent an unbelievable time together, Natalie showed him around Llanview and she even got a chance to introduce him to Roxy, well that was a laugh she thought, they had gone there to ask her about the box with the pail and the sand in it, to ask Roxy about it cause It was beginning to bother Natalie, bother her in a weird way, weird that someone would leave it at her door, weird that the bow it was tied with reminded her of something, it was a girls pink hair bow with white hearts on it and it just looked so familiar. Roxy informed them that she knew nothing about it and it made her even more confused, she heard the doorbell and she jumped up to answer it. She grabbed her purse figuring it was John but when she answered the door there was no one there, she went outside and looked around and she found a child's doll sitting on her stoop, she bent down and picked it up. She looked at it, it looked familiar, she looked in the dolls red hair and there was another pink bow in it, the same as the one on the box, an awkward feeling come upon her and she dropped the doll, bending down to pick it up she had a flash, a thought, a memory, it was of a man giving her a doll. She couldn't remember anything else and she stood back up to see his smiling face as she did.

"Hey" John said as he approached her

"Hey yourself" she said dismissing her feeling of remembrance.

"What's that?" John asked seeing the doll

"Oh, I think someone must have dropped it here, maybe a girl scout or something, it is cookie season" Natalie said not wanting John's cop nature to read to much into it.

"I'll put it inside just in case someone comes looking for it" she said and she went in the house and put it on the desk in the hall.

"Ready to go" she said

" Yeah, but before we do I just.. I.. just want to tell you how much fun I had today, I can't remember having that much fun in along time, thank you, not only for opening up to me but for listening to me." John said as he gave her a shy smile

Natalie and John had talked all day as they went around town, John had opened up to her, told her about his dad dying and how it affected him, about his wife Caitlyn, and how much he had loved her although she was far from perfect, how much she had put him thru before she had died at the hands of a serial killer.

'I figured I owed you one, you know since you made me feel so safe last night, you didn't have to do that you know, you didn't have to stay with me, I still don't understand it, how can you make me feel so safe when you hold me when we just met." Natalie asked as they stopped walking near his car.

"I know I didn't have, but I wanted to, it felt right, I feel like I know you, I mean inside, when I held you it just fit, we just fit, it kinda feels like I've held you before, almost like I've always held you. " John said as he looked into her eyes, they stood near his car and she stood in front of him, she could feel it, feel it start to rise inside of her, the desire for him. She tried to control it but she couldn't. John felt it too and he grabbed her by her waist, pulled her towards him and her lips were on his in a matter of seconds, passionately they kissed till they were breathing heavy, John pulled back to catch his breath when he heard a noise in the tree's, his detective ears went up and without words he went over by where he heard the noise. There was nothing there, no one. He walked back towards Natalie.

"What's wrong?" She asked

"Nothing, just thought I heard something" John answered and he pulled her in front of him again, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her body close to his, he kissed her again, this time using his tongue, she was getting lost in the pleasure of his kisses and his tongue, she knew she had to stop him or they would take this further and she knew it better to wait.

"John" Natalie said softly

"We need to stop, stop before we do something else, before we go to far," Natalie told him

"We've already gone to far, maybe our bodies just wanna catch up," He said starting to kiss her again

John stopped kissing her after a few seconds and realized it was best to slow things down, he was having feelings for her, true feelings but he didn't want to rush it, he knew she might not be ready yet, so although his heart was telling him he wanted to be inside her, and now, his brain was telling him they should take it slow.

"We should slow things down" John said as he looked into her eyes and then Natalie nodded her head.

After Natalie beat John at pool they sat at a booth and started eating their burgers, they were having such a great time laughing and joking, talking about Atlantic City when a man carrying a pizza box approached them.

"Are you Natty?" the delivery guy asked her

"Yeah" Natalie asked confused and then the man handed her a pizza and he left.

"Wait, wait I didn't order this" Natalie said as she and John both tried to get the man's attention before he left. Natalie and john both looked at each other with the confusion evident on their faces. John slowly opened the top of the box to see a pizza with a girls hair bow thrown on top of it, Natalie recognized the bow the minute she saw it, it matched the others, Natalie felt weak and John noticed something off about her.

"Natalie, are you alright?" John said as he reached his hand across the table to hers

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just ...just.. this is strange" she said looking down at the bow on the pizza, that John had placed on the table.

"What is strange?" John asked becoming more and more concerned

" That bow, it was the same bow on the box of sand, and it was also on the doll I found this morning," Natalie said not wanting to sound afraid but she was getting a little crept out by all of this.

"Really," John said as he picked the bow up with a fork and he studied it without touching it.

"Maybe we should have the police investigate it further" John told her and he smiled

"Why are you smiling?" Natalie asked him

"Cause I heard the new chief of detectives is really good at what he does, I bet he could help uncover this mystery" John said trying to loosen the mood without alarming Natalie to his gut telling him there was something going on.

" Well, what is it the new chief is good at?" Natalie asked flirting, knowing John had taken the job with her Uncle. Bo had called her earlier and told her, Bo was unaware that Nat and John were becoming close and he wanted her to know from him that John Mcbain was staying in Llanview. John didn't know Natalie and Bo spoke, he was going to tell her tonight, he wanted to surprise her, he wanted to stay in Llanview, stay for a few different reasons but his main one was her. He couldn't and he didn't want to leave Llanview now that he found her. He didn't think he could stand to be anywhere else.

"You know don't you?" He said with a grin, figuring out she knew with the way she was flirting and grinning at him

"You really are a good detective" Natalie said and she leaned across the table and gave him a quick kiss.

John called the station and had them take the pizza and bow in to be analyzed. Then John dropped Natalie off at home.

He didn't want to leave her alone but she insisted and said her brother Rex would come and stay with her, Rex was only a few minutes away when Natalie assured John she would be fine, so John left to go to the station to check on the progress of the bow. He told her to lock the doors and reassured her he'd be back as soon as possible.

Natalie was upstairs getting on a pair of sweats when she heard the door bell ring, it was Rex so she ran down stairs and looked thru the peep hole in the door and saw no one, she continued to look thru the peep hole and she saw something on the tree across from her door, it was pink, it was another bow, she ran to the phone to call John, just as she picked up the phone to dial, she saw his hand first, he put it on top of hers on top of the phone.

"My Natty doll, I've missed you so much" the man said as Natalie grabbed her hand out of his hold on the phone and she backed up, she looked in his face, and as if it all came back to her, she remembered, she remembered him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

Natalie started to shake, she tried to run but he grabbed her, he was a big man. Over six foot and he was strong.

"Leave me alone.. My brother's on his way, " she said and the man grabbed her and put his hand over her mouth and dragged her out of the house.

Rex arrived at Nat's house and saw the front door wide open, he immediately took out his cell phone to call Bo as he searched the house, and he knew something was wrong.

John got a call from Bo and he rushed over to her house, blaming himself for leaving her, leaving her alone.

John walked into the house and he saw who he believed must have been Rex. He introduced himself and started canvassing the house looking for clues, for anything, anything to help him find her, find his angel. John walked around her house finding nothing when he walked up the stairs to her bedroom, he looked around and finally caught something out of the corner of his eye, it was the doll, the doll from earlier, it was on her made bed and when he got a closer look at it, it had writing on it, It said forever my Natty doll, John felt as if he was going to lose it, he had a sudden familiar feeling of loss come upon him but he brushed it away, he needed to be at his best, he needed to find her and quick, he needed to figure out what this was all about, he looked at the doll again and knew by it's writings this wasn't random, this man who ever he was wanted Natalie and only Natalie. John put his gloves on and took the doll down stairs to give it to one of the officers. As John was coming down the stairs he noticed some people he didn't know with Roxy and Rex, he assumed it was Natalie's family, he walked passed them with the doll and when Roxy saw him with the doll she got nervous, very nervous.

"Hey, man whatcha doin with that doll, where'd ya find it?" Roxy asked as she approached John

"You know something about this doll?" John asked Roxy

"Yeah, i know that doll, it was Natty's when she was little, give me it, I gotta get rid of it" Roxy said upset as she grabbed for it; john pulled it back before she got her prints on it.

"Roxy, I need to know everything about the doll? Everything" John told her and she started to explain.

" I wasn't much of a mother Okay, I mean.. I loved her but booze and casino's that came first,... and i ain't real proud of it, and maybe I should have taken better care of her but..."

"The doll Roxy, the Doll!" John yelled

"I had this boyfriend see, he was always nice to Natty, he always went out of his way to be nice to her, he bought her stuff, he was always watching her, I didn't think anything of it." Roxy explained as she saw John start to get anxious

"Did he buy her the doll?" John asked

"Yeah, he bought her the doll, bows, ribbons and so much more, he was always calling her his little Natty doll." Roxy said as Rex came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"What's his name? " John said and he saw her hesitate

"Roxy! What is his name?" John yelled as he went to her and grabbed her arms and shook her as if shaking the name out of her. John realized what he was doing when he looked at the tears in her eyes, and he let go of her and backed up a few feet.

"I don't know, but he went to jail" Roxy said with the tears on the verge of escaping.

"What did he go to jail for?" John asked still getting upset, upset cause he had seen cases like this, the scenario fit, it fit men who liked young girls, he saw Roxy struggling with the words and he knew what she was going to say but he needed for her to tell him. The cop in him needed to know all the facts, but on a personal level he didn't know how he wasn't going to kill this guy when he caught him, if it even was him, but his gut was telling him it was.

"Roxy what did he go to jail for!" John said getting impatient

"For trying to touch her, for trying to touch my Natty! ... Some cop and his son found her on the beach with him, the cops kid witnessed him trying and told his old man, they arrested him on the site, Natty never remembered it, but it can't be him he's in jail." Roxy said clearly shaken and Rex put his arms around her from behind.

John stopped for a minute, he heard her words, she said a cop, and his son saw it, saw Natalie about to be abused under the pier.

"Wait a minute, did it happen under the pier by the east end of the boardwalk?" John asked

"How'd ya know that?" Roxy said to John and John turned his back and went over by the window to try and remember. He was the son, the cops son, he remembered it, remembered it all, he was twelve, and it was right before his dad died. He had held her that day, she was only five, he and his dad were playing Frisbee on the beach and the Frisbee went under the pier, he went to get it and he saw her, a little girl with red hair and he saw a man attempting to touch her in a place he knew was wrong, that was when he screamed for his dad, his dad had the man arrested. It was all starting to make sense now, he had held her before, he had held her as a frightened little girl, that's why they fit, that's why it felt like it did, he had held her when she was a child, while they waited for the police to come.

John made a call on his cell phone to find out the man's name and if he was still in prison, he did all this while his heart was breaking, breaking for her, for her then, for her now, he needed to find her, he needed to hold her and make her feel safe again, make himself feel safe again.

A few minutes later John got all the information he needed about the man, his name was Louie and he had been in and out of prison for the last twenty years, he was just recently released this last time, about a week ago. John got information on where he lived but his gut told him there was something else, something else was nagging at him, he needed more information. He again turned to Roxy for it.

"Tell me everything you remember Roxy, every little detail, don't leave anything out." John told her as he and she took a seat in the kitchen away from everyone else

" I got it, his name was Louie"

"I already know that, his name was Louie Stokes and he's out on parole so it's more than likely he's got her, so help me figure out where he would take her" John said

"I just don't member much of that time," Roxy said and John decided to treat her like a criminal to pull the answers out of her.

"Was he ever alone with her? Did he take her places? Did she ever mention a special place he took her?" John almost choked on his words, just the thought of what this low life may have did to her was making him ill, just the thought of what this low life might be doing to her now caused his anger to flare up. He knew if he caught him and no one was around, he was dead; he'd kill him with his bare hands if he had to.

" No, that day on the beach, that was the first time he was alone with her."

"How can you be sure, sure that he was never alone with her, you were pretty much drunk all of the time weren't you?" John said it and he didn't mean for it to come out harsh, but the fact was if John and his dad hadn't been on that beach, on that day, Louie Stokes would have more than likely done something to Natalie, to a frightened five-year-old little girl.

"Roxy, think hard, is there anything you can remember?" John asked

" I don't know, all I remember is pizza," Roxy said and John moved closer to her

"What?" John asked

"Pizza he use to bring over pizza, lots and lots of pizza, he knew it was her favorite."

"Where did he use to get it from?" John asked knowing in his gut they were onto something, remembering the pizza that was sent to Rodi's.

" I think the place on the east end of the board walk over by the old ice cream shop"

" Alberto's?" John asked

" Ya, that's the one, that was where they were going that day, to pick up pizza" Roxy said and John ran for the door. He called the AC police to send a car over to the pizza shop to snoop around, he knew this was it, she had to be there, he needed for her to be there, if she wasn't than she was probably d.. dead. He fought back his feelings of loss again and continued on his way to find his angel.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

Natalie was in the trunk of a car; she was tied up and had a rag in her mouth so she couldn't scream a word. He was driving and she was disoriented so she couldn't figure out where they were going. A tear came to her eye but she refused anymore to fall, she pushed them back, there would be time for crying later, time for crying about this situation, time for crying about what she remembered, what she remembered, she thought, It was him, it was Louie, she had forgotten all about him since that day on the beach, she was very young and some off the stuff that happened that day was fuzzy, but she remembered him, he was always nice to her, buying her stuff, he was the only person who ever paid any attention to her, but he tried to do something, and he was arrested, taken away, she remembers not understanding it at the time , but she did remember a feeling she got that day, a feeling of security, someone held her till the cops brought her mom, that someone made her feel safe, the first and only time she had ever felt safe till Christian came into her life.

Natalie felt the car stop and she started to kick the inside of the trunk with her feet, but then the car started again, she tried to think about what she could do to get out of this mess, what John might do to get out of this mess, John, she thought, how was he ever going to find me, and is he looking for me? Or is one of the detectives at the station looking, No, she knew in her gut he was out there somewhere looking for her, although they just met a few days ago it was as if they had a connection, a connection at their soul, she felt safe with him, she felt as if she knew him her whole life, almost as if he was sent to her, sent to her when she needed him, and needed him most. The day she had met him, the day he wanted to have her cited for bad driving, that day had been Natalie's worse day in a real long time, not since the day Chris died and the few days after had it been that bad. She silently prayed to Christian for help as she continued to wait to see what Louie had in store for her.

John raced to the train station, he had hoped that Louie Stokes was dumb enough to drive back to AC. that way the train could help John make up time, make up time cause he had figured out that she couldn't have been gone that long before they knew she was missing, he was sitting in his seat and he was getting anxious, anxious thinking about finding her, finding her before he did anything to her, the only upside that he could see was that Natalie didn't remember it, she may have remembered him, but she was young and Roxy said she didn't remember it, or was it just one of those things that Natalie spoke about blocking out. How he just wanted to take her in his arms like last night and hold her, hold her till it all went away, till all of it left her, her fears, insecurities, her loss, her bad childhood. He thought about that day on the beach, it's weird how life works, how he was the one to find her, to save her from that horrible man and then to find her again and to be the one that will once again save her. It was as if he was destined to, destined to save her, destined to hold her, destined to Love her. John used the Love word in his thoughts and wasn't sure where it came from, he had only known her a few days. How could he love her already, how could he know, know that he did. He shook his head. He just did, he just knew, maybe he knew back then, the day on the beach, maybe some how this was their fate. John came out of his thoughts when the train pulled into the station; he jumped off the train and ran to the police car that was waiting for him. John knew he had to find her, he knew she had to be alive; he knew his fate depended on it.

Natalie continued deep in thought about her life and about everyone she loved and John came into her thoughts, how she thought she felt love for him already, how she was already in love with him, she closed her eye's thinking it impossible to already be in love with someone she just met but she did. She loved him, her heart was still also in love with Chris but she felt it for John too, love for him, a different love almost like she loved him before she met him. Thinking that was odd she opened her eyes again and stared into the dark tight area of the trunk surrounding her until she felt the car stop again. This time she heard Louie get out and walk to the back of the car, to the trunk, he was coming for her, she heard his hand on the lock to open it with a key and then she heard a thump, she listened real hard to try and figure out what was going on and she heard voices they were men's voices, she couldn't make out what they were saying and next thing she knew it she heard a gun shot go off and a car sped off, things went silent. Natalie was panicking inside, she didn't know what was going on and she felt like she couldn't breathe when she heard another car pull up.

The cop car pulled up to the back part of the abandoned pizza shop and John looked an saw a car by the back door, but something was wrong their was a man lying on the ground and he wasn't moving, there was a puddle of blood surrounding his body and John didn't wait for the car to come to a complete stop and he jumped out of it, he ran, ran as fast as he could, his heart was racing, racing a million miles a minute, he had hoped, no he prayed she wasn't dead. He searched the area by the car with his eye's and he didn't see her, she's here I know it, He said to himself, as he started calling out her name over and over and then he saw the cops check to see if the man who he knew was Louie, was dead. He heard one of the officers say he was but where was his angel, he started to say her name louder and louder till he heard it, heard something in the trunk, he walked over to it, took the key that was laying on the floor next to Louie's body and he opened it, opened it to the most beautiful blue eye's in the world. She was tied and gagged, his thoughts immediately went to rage and he thanked god that someone beat him to killing this man, this man who took her, this man who tried to.. His thoughts were cut off when he saw her try and mumbled something through the rag in her mouth. He immediately came out of his rage and untied her.

Natalie saw him and she was hoping, no praying he wasn't a dream, a figment of her imagination, but then he untied her, and he removed the rag from her mouth, she knew he wasn't, he was here, and he was real.

Natalie tried to speak but before she could get a word out he picked her up out of the trunk and carried her in his arms, her arms immediately went around his neck as he carried her over and sat her down on a few near by boxes.

"John" Natalie spoke softly but he wouldn't let her continue he put a hand to her mouth and he pulled her into an embrace, rocking her back and forth he held her. After a few minutes they heard an ambulance and they broke apart. John moved only slightly apart from her and he looked into her eye's, he tucked a piece of her hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear as he softly caressed her cheek in the process.

"Did he.. I mean.. Are you.. alright?" John asked hesitantly, he needed to know but he didn't necessarily want to know.

"I'm fine, a little creeped out, but I'm fine, now that you're here," she said and he pulled her close again and held her.

After a very long time of John holding her, Natalie pulled back and looked at him.

"I'm confused, very confused " Natalie said as she looked passed John to see the medic's putting Louie on a gurney, they zipped up the large body bag he was in and loaded him into the ambulance. As they did Natalie saw a pink bow on the ground, the same with the hearts that he had sent to her, it must have fallen out of Louie's hand when he was shot. She turned back to John.

"I don't understand what he wanted from me " she asked sounding like the small child she was when he found her. She looked at him and then back to the body on the ground and she remembered, remembered something. John knew by the look on her face she knew the answer to her own question and he saw the tears start to fill her eyes. He automatically without thinking pulled he back to him while she shed her eyes free of her tears.

Natalie held on to him for dear life, she needed his security, she needed his strength, she remembered stuff that she was sure she didn't understand at the time but she knew what it meant now. He was nice to her, Louie was nice to her because he was sick, she shook her head remembering all the times she spent with him, all the times he made her feel special. John felt her tremble and softly pushed her out of this arms, he placed his hands on both sides of her cheeks and looked straight into her beautiful eye's as Natalie began to speak.

"I was young... he tried to .. to .." Natalie said, as she couldn't get the words out.

"It's okay, it's okay, he can't ever try and hurt you again" John said still looking into her eye's

"I didn't know, I didn't know, I was to young," Natalie said grabbing his wrists with her hands and holding them while they were still positioned on her cheeks.

"It wasn't your fault, this isn't your fault." John said and then he needed to know how far her guilt and confusion went, he needed to know how much help she was going to need, he just needed to know.

"Did he.. I mean. Now or when you were.. little I mean.. did he " John tried to ask but couldn't get the words out

"No, not now and not then, he was trying, back then, if I remember it correct but a boy, some boy older than me, he started screaming, they took Louie away, some boy held me and tried to make me feel better" Natalie said still not realizing John was that boy. She continued to look into his eyes, and she saw something, her mind flashed back to that boy on the beach and their eye's matched. That boys eye's and John's, they matched, they were the same, it was him.

"It was you, John, it was you" Natalie said and she let go of his wrists and his hands came off her face, she leaned into his body for him to hold her and he did.

"I know, " he said softly as he tightened his hold on her knowing, knowing that this was their fate.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

"John," Natalie said softly as she again pulled herself out of his arms and looked at him.

"I'm. I.. I still don't understand, I'm still very confused, how could it be, how was it you? How was it you that saved me from him all those years ago, it really was you?" Natalie asked as John's hand reached up to touch her face.

"Yeah, It really was me" John said as he leaned in a little for a kiss but before his lips made it to hers, they both turned their heads when they heard someone clear their throat.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I need to take Ms. Vega's statement now" An officer said as they both stared at him.

"Natalie if you're not up to it, it can wait." John told her

"Now's fine, I want this over with" Natalie said as she got up off the boxes she and john were sitting on and walked with the police officer over by his car. John followed behind for a few minutes and then he stopped and walked over by the crime scene. He looked around and then at the trunk of Louie's car, and then he turned and went over by Nat and the officer. By the time he got near them Natalie was already explaining what happened when Louie had stopped his car.

"I felt the car stop and then I heard him try and open the lock of the trunk with the key," Natalie said and she paused briefly and looked at John. John came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder reassuring her he was here for her.

"I don't really know what happened next but then I heard a noise, a thump of some sort and... And then I heard talking, a few men maybe but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Then I heard it, a gun shot, I stayed perfectly still and I didn't make a noise and that's when I heard you guys, the car, then John opened the trunk." Natalie said brave not letting her fears come through when she spoke with the officers, not letting her disgust for the man that was dead come thru in her statement. After what she remembered she was glad he was dead, glad he didn't get the chance to hurt her, glad that he didn't get the chance to hurt any little girl again.

John and Nat stood there for a few minutes with the officer as he read thru his notes and then another officer approached and asked to speak with him and John alone. John looked at Natalie and she motioned that it was fine and the two officers and John moved away from Natalie and spoke.

The officer informed them that they got more information on Louie's dealings in prison and when he was out for the last few days. He explained how Louie was involved with some shady people who had big connections. John heard all this and knew this was a hit, a hit on Louie; it fit the way he was killed. John began to worry, worry that although Natalie said she didn't make a sound and it was very likely they didn't know she was even in the trunk, she could still be in danger, if they found out she was in the trunk. Although she knew nothing they might think she did, they might come after her anyway just to make sure. John left the officers and walked over by Natalie.

" Hey, is there something else, you look pretty intense, is there something else you need to tell me?" Natalie asked as she saw his stone face when he walked over.

"No, there's nothing you need to know right now, but I do think you need some rest and we still have lots of stuff to talk about, so let me take you home." John said as he put his arm around her shoulders and they started to walk away. Natalie stopped walking and turned to him.

"I don't wanna go back to Llanview yet, I wanna stay here, I.. I have a lot of things to work out in my head and I think this is the best place to come to terms with those things. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, I'll be fine alone," Natalie said really wanting him to stay with her but knowing she had no right to just assume he would.

"What ever you want, where ever you wanna go, I wanna go to, just as long as I'm with you." John said getting a little emotional for a minute. He hadn't had a prior chance to really think about what happened tonight, what could have happened tonight, she could have been taken away from him tonight. He turned his body and stood face to face with her, he took one of his hands and caressed her cheek. Natalie felt his hand on her face and she raised up her own hand and placed it on his. Their eye's told a story all their own without words needed. A story of fear, hope, want, need, love. After a few minutes Natalie leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Slowly John returned her kiss with another, and after a few minutes of slow soft kisses John's cell phone rang. They heard his phone and it was a few minutes before they pulled apart and stopped kissing. They looked at each other as he pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered it never taking his eyes off of hers as he spoke to Bo on the other end of it.

"She's fine, she doesn't want to come home yet, I'll take good care of her, I promise" John told Bo as he stared deeper into her eyes. John hung up the phone and put it away. Continuing to look he spoke to her.

"Do you know where you want to go? You need sleep first so maybe a hotel or..or..or I still have my apartment here, would you want to go there? You know to sleep I mean."

"That sounds good, lets go to your apartment so I can get some sleep." Natalie said as she leaned in and gave him one more, quick, peck on the lips and they turned and went to John's place.

John and Natalie arrived at John's apartment within a few minutes. John opened the lock and they went in. Natalie walked into the middle of the main room, which was a combination living room and kitchen. She looked around the place and noticed it looked bare, the walls were bare, the floors, the room had next to no furniture. Is this really where he lived, she asked herself.

"How long have you lived here? " Natalie asked curious cause she couldn't imagine anyone living like this. She didn't even see a television or a phone. John stood a few feet behind her and was watching her back when she asked him that question. He knew why she wanted to know, the place was so unlike hers. Hers was full of life and people, his was nothing, there was nothing, not a single picture, not even a picture of his dead wife.

"About five years, I like to keep things simple and I'm on the road a lot." John answered the question he knew would come next, the why is it so empty question, but the truth was because he was, empty that was, up until a few days ago he felt empty. His life was empty, it had been five very long years but now with her, with just knowing her and the connection they had he didn't feel empty, not anymore. He felt for the first time in a long time like he had purpose and she was it, not just because he had saved her and not just because he wanted her really bad but because he loved her. He did, he loved her, and he knew she was his destiny even if she hadn't realized it yet. Someday she would and then all would be right in the world, in his world, in her world, in their world. John came out of his thoughts as he watched her walk over to the fridge and snuck a peek into it.

"Whoa! I think something died in there," she said as she waved her hand in front of her nose. Motioning that in smelt bad.

"Something probably did" He said as he laughed, he saw her yawn and it reminded him or why they were here, she needed some sleep, and so did he.

"Come on, I'll show you the bedroom, so you can get some sleep" John said as he walked passed her in the narrow part of the hallway. He stopped briefly as he was passing her body and he grazed it, her body that is. Natalie felt it, the jolt that always ran thru her when he was near and then the spark when he lightly touched her body with his.

"I don't want to sleep, I want you to make love to me" Natalie said as his lips didn't hesitate and they were on hers in a matter of a few seconds. He pushed her towards the open door of his room and then he softly lowered her on the bed as he watched her eyes. He watched her eye's carefully, John saw it in them, saw that she wanted him in them, saw that she needed him in her eyes, but he had to listen to his brain. It was to soon, to soon for this, to soon to make love to her, she had just been through so much in the last twenty four hours, she just found out that a man she trusted as a child tried to take advantage of her sexually and that man kidnapped her. As much as he wanted this and he knew she wanted this, the timing wasn't right. He was still kissing her when he pulled away softly. He again watched her eyes as he stared into them.

"Natalie"

"I know, I know now isn't the time for this" She said realizing it herself that the timing was off.

"We should just get some sleep, can I borrow a tee shirt?" she asked as she stood up off the bed, she didn't wait for an answer and she started taking off her clothes, taking them off leaving her in her bra and panties.

John saw her start to take her clothes off without hesitation as she asked for a shirt and he stood there frozen. Frozen because she was so beautiful, frozen because he wanted her so bad, he wanted to just make love to her over and over again but he couldn't, this wasn't about him and what he wanted or needed, it was about her. He quickly tried to free himself away from watching her as she continued to take off her socks when he reached into his dresser and quickly got her a long shirt. He quickly threw it to her when she was about to unhook her bra from its front clasp. She saw him get flushed as she caught the shirt, and she smiled.

"Would you like for me to take it off while the shirt is on first?" Natalie asked teasing him about taking off her bra. She looked towards his waist and she thought she saw his member start to harden and push against his jeans. John said nothing and she smiled at him again. She began to laugh as she saw him become uncomfortable by the growing erection confined to his pants. John shifted his body to adjust his erection so it wasn't so uncomfortable and he heard her again laugh.

"You think it's funny, don't you?' John asked her as she laughed, Natalie quickly slipped the shirt over her head and walked closer to him.

"Yeah, funny and hard, hard to be around you and keep my hands off of you," Natalie said as she stood in front of him, she grazed her hand over his erection in his pants and John knew this was going to be extremely tough, extremely tough to keep their hands to themselves but things needed to be worked out first, she needed to come to terms with what happened tonight and what happened when she was five.

"Go to bed Natalie, Go!" John commanded as he pointed towards the bed as she stood facing him. She gave him a small pout and went under the covers and lay down on her side facing away from him. John got under the covers along side her bringing his chest to her back and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

He heard Natalie about to say something but he spoke before she could.

"Just go to sleep Natalie, we can talk in the morning," he said as he snuggled into her hair and then they fell asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night John went to tighten his hold on her and felt she wasn't there. He got up out of bed, looked around and saw he on the floor sobbing quietly; she had her knees up to her chest and was rocking back and forth. John immediately went over to her.

"Come here" he said leaning down as he pulled her towards him.

"It's going to be alright, you're going to be alright, I'm here, I'm here." He told her as he carried her back over to the bed.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

John lay Natalie back on the bed and he again laid next to her with his arms around her, he covered them and again reassured her.

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. " He whispered into her ear as they both tried to get some more sleep.

John laid awake for a few more minutes while he held her and felt that she fell back to sleep. He thought about what he just told her and how much he loved her, and he knew, he knew he'd get her thru this, get her thru all of this, he thought about how things had turned so drastically for him a few days ago when he met her. His emotions were all over the place when it came to her. First he was angry with her, with the whole station thing, then he was excited by her, excited at the thought of being with her, and then he realized after just a few short days that he was in love with her. He realized that they had some type of connection and then he figured out why. Because of when they were younger, it all made sense after he remembered that, it did, they fit perfectly and that was because they were meant for each other, she was his destiny. He knew in his heart this was right, they were right, that they could be together forever, get married, have a few kids, grow old together. John was still thinking about the life he and Natalie could have when he fell back to sleep.

Natalie woke and she wasn't sure what time it was, the sun was shining in thru the dirty blink on the windows. She felt how tight his grip was around her and she didn't move, she didn't want his grip to lessen, she needed it strong, she needed him strong, she needed it so she could be strong, she needed his strengthen around her to help her when she couldn't be strong herself. She especially needed his strength now, not just because of the Louie thing but because in remembering that day it brought back her other memories. The bad memories that she once told him about, the ones from her childhood that she pushed down, down deep in her soul never wanting to remember. Meomories not as bad as that day on the beach but bad all their own. She thought about how much she needed him, how she doesn't remember ever needing Chris that way. Chris she again thought, would he be happy that I've found John? Would he be happy that I could love again, so fast? Fast, She thought, it's been a year, a year and the first person she ever looked at and saw was John, and she saw him as if she saw down to his soul. Would Chris be all right with me loving him? She asked herself as she heard his cell phone ringing from a top of his nightstand.

John heard his cell phone ringing and he moved slowly to get it off the nightstand. He was afraid she was still asleep but when he turned behind him to reach for it she moved, he knew she was already awake. He sat up and so did she as he answered his phone.

"Hello" John answered in a tired voice

"Yes, this is detective McBain, No you didn't wake me. Ms Davidson how can I help you?" John answered not realizing Nat's mom's last name wasn't Buchanan. Natalie heard him say her mom's name and she tugged on his arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ms. Davidson I.. I didn't realize you were Natalie's mom, she's in the next room I'll go get her for you." John said and then put his hand over the bottom of the phone for a few minutes.

"What are you doing? Why'd you tell her I was in the other room?" Natalie whispered to him away from his phone.

"Cause, I already don't think she likes me very much by the sound of her voice and I didn't want to give her more reason to dislike me, you know I don't want her to think I'm sleeping with her daughter " John said and then handed her the phone. Natalie took the phone and gave him a small smile thinking it was a little cute, what he did that was, lying to her mom so she wouldn't not like him.

"Mom" Natalie spoke into the phone

"Honey, are you alright? Your uncle Bo said not to worry that you needed a little time but I would feel so much better if you were home, home in Llanview." Vicky told Natalie on the phone

"I'm fine mom, you don't need to worry, I'm in very good hands" Natalie said as she reached her hand over to John's as he was trying to get up out of the bed. She held his hand for a minute and stared into his eye's as she listened to her mother go on about her coming home. He smiled at her after staring into her beautiful blue eyes, leaned down and kissed her forehead before taking his hand away. Natalie continued her conversation with her mom and when she was done she went into the other room to see where John was.

As soon as she entered the living room she saw him come out of the bathroom. He was wet, as if he just showered.

"You showered so fast?" she asked him as she walked over to him.

"Yup. Why don't you shower and I'll run down the street for breakfast," John told her and she nodded yes.

After they were both dressed and had their breakfast Natalie knew where she had to go. She had thought about it in while she showered, she wanted to get it over with, get it all over with, she wanted the past to be put away forever, she wanted to move on, move on with her life, with a new life, a new life with John in it. She needed to confront her fears and let them free her. She looked at John who was just finishing his coffee while he was reading the paper and she was about to speak when she stopped herself. She stopped and just looked at him, damn he was beautiful she thought, she excited herself just watching him turn the pages of the paper, she had never felt like this about a man before, never, but he excited her, physically and emotionally. She smiled to herself and he saw her as he closed his paper.

"What are you smiling at?" John asked her as he put the paper down on the table.

"You," Natalie said nonchalantly

"Me huh?"

"Yeah, I think you're beautiful. And not just because of your face or your intense blue eye's but for who you are, inside, I think your soul is beautiful." Natalie said as she saw John blush and he didn't say anything back.

"Did I make you blush Detective McBain?" Natalie asked as she gave him a smirk, John got up out of his seat and went around the small table to where she was sitting, he pulled her out of her seat and up towards him, he stared into her eye's and kissed her. Their kiss was slow and soft but told so much, told of them, of what they already meant to each other, what they could mean to each other, what they could be to each other. John was so wrapped up in the feelings, the way she make him feel that he didn't even realize what words came out of his mouth next.

"I love you" John said as he brought his lips off of hers for a few seconds. Natalie looked into his eyes and she couldn't believe it. He saw her blush and then he wanted her to hear it again, just so she knew he meant it.

"I love you" John again told her when she looked away from him and moved a few feet away with her back to him.

"How?" Nat asked

"What?" John answered, not understanding the question.

"How do you know you love me, we've only none each other a few days"

"I just do" John answered going over to stand behind her, he was having second thoughts, not about loving her but about blurting it out, maybe it was to soon. He told himself.

"And you're sure about this, really sure?" she asked him as she prayed he said that he was. John thought about the question for a second, he had already told her there was no going back, only forward and he wanted to go forward with her, loving her. His brain was screaming it was to soon but his heart wanted for her to know, it needed for her to know.

"Yes, I'm very sure about this, I love you Natalie," John said and Natalie didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then John couldn't take it any long so he broke the silence.

"You don't have to say anything Natalie, I just thought, I don't know what I thought, I know it might take longer for you but it's true, I love you and I think maybe I have since I was twelve. I thin--" John tried to finish his sentence but he heard her say something really soft and low and he walked around to face her.

"Say it again," he told her as he looked into her glassy eyes, he knew what he thought she said but he needed to hear it again to be sure.

"I love you too John," Natalie said as he put his hand under her chin and lifted it so their eye's were level.

"How? " he asked

"I just do," she answered

"Are you sure?" John asked her as she started bringing her face closer to his

" Yes, I love you John" she said softly as she kissed him.

"You know I wanna show you how much I love you right now, right?" John told her as they broke off from kissing

"Yeah, and I want you to show me but ...but.. I have a few things I want to free myself of before I give myself to you, give myself to you completely," she said and she saw the smutty look in his eyes. She slapped him on the arm playfully.

"I don't mean clothes," she said and they both laughed.

"Yeah, let's go free you of some stuff and then we can come back here and be completely together" John said as they grabbed their stuff and headed towards the door. Natalie stopped right before leaving the apartment and turned to him.

"When we're done I wanna go home, back to Llanview, is that alright?" Natalie asked John as she looked into his soul.

"Sounds good to me, where ever you are, were ever you go, I'll follow," John said with one last kiss and they left his apartment.

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John and Natalie spent the day going all around Atlantic City. Natalie wanted to come to terms with all the bad stuff that had happened in her life before she moved on with John. They went to the beach first and Natalie stood in the spot under the pier where John found her and he held her without words till she was ready to go, ready to let go, she had a really good reason to just let all the grief leave her, John, he had held her and assured her that he wasn't going anywhere. She cried a little but she seems to be processing things well. Then after the beach they took a ride to where Natalie use to live with Roxy. The apartment building was condemned but some how they found a way to sneak into it. Natalie thought about all the stuff that had occurred in that apartment, she remembered it all and when she was ready to rid herself of all of it they left. They decided to have an early dinner and take the train back to Llanview when John knew he had one stop he needed for them to make. He took her to Caitlyn's grave. John needed his own form of closure so once they were at Caitlyn's grave Natalie excused herself, went back and waited in the rental car. Natalie was waiting in the car when after a few minutes he came back.

"Hey" He said as he climbed into the car

"Hey, are you alright?" Natalie asked, she asked him the question he was asking of her all day.

"Yeah," John said as he started to drive away. Natalie thought they were headed to the train station when she saw John pull into a charming small chapel just off the boardwalk.

"What's going on?" Natalie asked as john turned off the car.

"Follow me" John told her and he got out of the car. She followed him over towards the back of the grounds behind the chapel; there was a white stone bench with a trellis of flowers behind it. He motioned for her to sit, Natalie sat and John got down on one knee.

"What's going on John? Why are we here and why are you kneeling?" Natalie asked getting a little nervous, nervous cause if she didn't know better he was going to ask her, ask her to marry him. The thought ran through her head and she wondered how she was going to tell him no. Not because she didn't love him, but because it was to soon, too soon to marry him, she was still shocked to the fact that she loved him so much in such a short period of time, but now to marry him, she would have to tell him no, she would have to.

"Natalie, I brought you here because I wanted for you to see this place, I've been here before, my parents use to bring Michael and I here as kids. They use to bring us here to show us that this was the place it all started for them. My father met my mom here and then he later proposed to her here on this same bench. He always said it was the perfect place to ask someone to marry them, and the thing was, as beautiful as this place is I had forgotten about it, forgotten all about it these last twenty years, but you reminded me of it. Your beauty, your courage, you.. I love you," John said taking her hand and holding it before he started to speak again.

"I know we haven't known each other long although I feel you are probably the only person who really knows me but.. but I see us having a long happy life together, maybe a few kids, maybe a dog, I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Natalie will you marry me?" John said and he pulled out an old antique looking ring out of his pocket.

"This was the first ring my dad gave to my mom, on this bench all those years ago. They were happy, in love and happy. Please Marry Me," John said as he saw the look on her face, it wasn't good, the look, it looked like she was thinking too much about it.

"Natalie" John asked trying to interrupt her thoughts

"I.. I.. I only have one quick question before I answer. Can we get married today?" Natalie said and she smiled as she saw the relieved look on his face.


	12. Chapter 12 Smut

Chapter 12 

"Can we get married today?" Natalie said as she smiled at him, he got up off his knees, took a hold of her hand and sat himself next to her on the bench. While he held her hands in one hand he took the ring and placed it on her finger and pushed it all the way up her finger as he stared into her blue eye's without words needed.

"Is that a yes?" Natalie asked as she smiled even brighter.

"Yes" John said casually in a smile as bright as hers. He leaned in and kissed her lips. He stood with their hands still joined and she also stood. They walked without words into the small chapel. Once inside they were greeted by the pastor and they made arrangements for an immediate simple ceremony. The pastor went to the back of the church and came out with an organist to serve as witness and he married them.

John and Natalie walked out of the small chapel hand in hand and married. They stopped a few feet before they got to the car.

"Do you still want to head back to Llanview tonight?" John asked as he turned and looked at her.

"No" she said with desire in her eyes

"Llanview's too far, I want you now, I want you to make love to me now," Natalie said as John didn't hesitate to kiss her quickly and then they both jumped quickly into the car and drove to the nearest hotel on the boardwalk strip.

John and Natalie got a room and started to walk towards it when they were so anxious to be together that John took a look around to see if anyone was there. Once the coast was clear he pushed her backwards towards their room as his lips began their assault on hers. Once by the door John tried to quickly unlock the door when he dropped the key to the ground. Natalie moved her body down his grazing it the whole way down as she picked up the key. As she made her way back up with her body her mouth stopped near his enlarging member that was being restrained by his jeans. She took her teeth and nipped at his jeans that were covering his erection. She looked him straight in the eye and gave him a devilish look. She continued up his body again and this time she turned her back to him so she could unlock the door. John took his hand and moved her hair over to one side of her shoulders and he brought his lips to her neck. John slowly and softly let his lips kiss and linger on her neck; he brought his hands around in front of her and touched her breasts through her clothes. Natalie felt his lips and she felt the jolt, then he brought his hands to her breasts and she lost all trane of thought, she dropped the key to the floor. John grinned and slightly chuckled into her ear as they ignored the key on the floor for a few minutes. Finally they heard a noise and they slightly broke apart. John ignored the other people in the hall who just cleared their throats and he bent down and picked up the key. As John was picking up the key Natalie turned slightly and smiled at the old married couple that was now watching them.

"We just got married," Natalie told them as she saw the older gentleman get closer.

"Then I think you'll need help with that lock," the man said as he took the key from John's hand before John could protest, the man opened the door for them and gave John back the key. Natalie thanked him and let out a small laugh and she walked into the room. John was about to walk into the room also when the older gentlemen took him aside for a minute.

"Good luck son. You're gonna need it with a red head like that, take lots of vitamins, you'll need all the energy you've got to try and keep up." the man said and John smiled back a thank you and proceeded into the room while shaking his head.

When John walked into the room he didn't see her. He figured she must have been in the bathroom so he took off his shoes and then his socks. As he bent down to remove one of his socks he looked over at the floor a few feet away and he saw her, her bare feet, his eye's ran up her body from her feet to her shiny red hair and her feet weren't the only things bare. She was completely naked from her toes to her head; the only thing she was wearing was a sexy smile. John felt paralyzed by her beauty and he stood frozen for a few seconds. Natalie saw him stand in front of her and he was motionless. She moved a little closer.

"Are you alright?" she asked him, as she stood right in front of him

"Yeah, I've never been more alright before in my life" He said as he became unfrozen. He reached for her with his hands as his mouth pounced on hers. John pulled Natalie's body to his with his hands on her hips and his lips urgently started taking hers. He started to reach up with his hands till he felt her breasts. As he reached her breasts he started moving his hands quickly while his mouth was trying to match the speed of his hands. He was moving so quickly that he needed to take a step back before it was over even before it began. Natalie got a puzzled look on her face as he slightly pushed his body away from hers.

" John," she said softly

"I just want to slow this down a little, I don't want it to be over so fast, I want you so bad," he said as he tried to catch his breath.

"John." Natalie said, as she got closer to him.

"It doesn't matter how fast it goes, we love each other, we're destined for each other, we're married now, we can just keep doing it over and over till we're satisfied with the speed." Natalie said as she smiled at him while looking into his blue eyes. She took her hand and started to unbutton his shirt, one by one the buttons opened giving her access to his chest. John stood watching as she got to the last button and she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and it fell to the floor. He continued to stare at her as she ran her hands down his bare chest to the top of his jeans. She gave him an extra large sized smile and she started opening his pants. First the button, then the zipper and then she pushed them down his legs half way to wait for his underwear. Natalie's hand went to his boxers and before she pushed them down she got down on her knee's. She stood with her mouth and his member level and she decided to tease him through his boxers. She ran her hand up and down his length first and then she started moistening the material of his boxers that lay over him, over his penis. After a few minutes of nipping at his member and lightly sucking it thru the material John pushed the boxers down to meet his pants at his knees.

"Impatient are we? I thought you wanted to slow things down?" she asked with a grin

"Not anymore " he said and she moved forward and took him and his length into her mouth. Natalie started moving her mouth back and forth on his penis as John leaned his body slightly back so she could get more of him in her mouth. In and out John's penis went into her mouth as he entangled his hands in her hair, guiding her head with his hand as she continued her motions. John was becoming so relaxed with each motion that he was close, so close that he abruptly pulled out of her mouth. He took a moment to regain himself and then he kneeled down on the floor in front of her. He started moving his mouth up and down on her neck not missing an inch of it. His hands caressed her back as he enjoyed her neck.

"Lower John, bring your mouth lower" Natalie said as he slowly brought his mouth down to her shoulders. He was teasing her and he knew it.

"More John " Natalie said, as John brought his lips to right above her breast.

"Here John, I want your mouth here" she said as she put her hands on her own breasts showing him just where she wanted his mouth.

"Here?' he said as he moved his mouth lower onto her breast.

'"Yeah" she said starting to lose her breath

"How about here?" he said as took her nipple in his mouth. He started suckling it and nipping at it over and over, as he heard her speak again.

"Oh, yeah john that's the spot I like that," she said and then she leaned her body back towards the floor and his body followed, his mouth never coming completely off her breasts.

He lay on top of her devouring her breasts as her hand reached around and squeezed his buttocks with every sucking motion his mouth made on her nipple. John was entertaining his tongue with every lick it performed on her nipple, one at a time he licked her nipple, licking it roughly till it was at it's hardened peak and then moving on to the other, continuing his actions till that one to was hardened to a point. He looked up at her briefly and smiled when he saw her eyes were closed and she was relaxed and enjoying herself. He took his mouth and decided to tease her some more when he started going lower on her body.

"How's this spot?" he asked her as he stopped his mouth on her stomach by her bellybutton.

"Should I go lower?" He asked as he saw she nodded. Natalie couldn't speak any words, just moans and hums; she was in anticipation of his mouth moving down her body. John moved his mouth a little lower on her just above her sensitive area.

"I think this is low enough, I'll stop here," he said as he looked up at her and smiled when he heard her answer.

"Like Hell you will," she told him impatiently.

"Boy, we're only married a short while and you're already ordering me around." He said and he laughed a little as he took two fingers and inserted them into her core.

"John" she said trying to get her point across, across that she wanted his mouth to join his fingers.

"Now who's the impatient one?" He said as he decided to stop with the teasing, his mouth came upon her moist curls and his tongue reached into her wet core and he started to show her more pleasure. As his tongue found her most sensitive spot Natalie let out a small cry and she grabbed the back of his hair with her hands. More and more as he pushed his tongue in and out of her she whimpered and yanked at this hair till finally she couldn't resist any longer and she let her orgasm go. His tongue felt her walls tightening and tightening till he felt her body quiver. He pulled himself up her till he was face to face with her.

"I'm sorry babe, maybe I should've slowed down"

"Are you kidding? There's more, so much more," she said as she touched his penis that was resting in-between her legs.

"There is, huh? What do you want?' he said as he started to slowly push himself into her, he stopped before he got all the way in.

"I want you to show me, show me how much you love me" Natalie said and then he again started to push himself into her when he stopped.

"What?" she asked

"We don't have, any... a... protection, you could get pregnant" He said not wanting to dampen the mood but things were happening so fast with them he definitely didn't know how she felt about taking a chance.

"That's alright, maybe that's also part of our destiny," she told him and he smiled at her.

"I love you," he said as he pushed himself inside her.

'I love you too." she replied as they found their rhythm. John took her hands and pushed them above her head as he held them there. Joined together they moved faster and faster, deeper and deeper till they came. They came together in a whirlwind of hope, love and fate. John got up off of Natalie after a few minutes; he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He lay down with her and they fell asleep entangled in themselves and the sheets.

The next day came fast and they woke. Still exhausted Natalie was anxious to go home to Llanview and start their lives together. They got dressed and went to the train station and took it to Llanview. They discussed things that people usually discuss before getting married while they were on the train. They decided to live at the angel square hotel till they had time to find a house or an apartment. Natalie was going to sell her house, she wanted a new start, a fresh start with John and she wanted them to have a new place. She wanted her future to not be clouded with old memories of Christian. They spoke about children. How they both want a few maybe even three, they decided not to take precautions and if it was meant to be like they were, it would happen. The train pulled into the station and they decided to go to Llanfair first and break the news to her mom. Natalie knew, John knew, they knew it wasn't going to be an easy thing to tell their families but they would make them see that although they didn't know each other for long they were meant to be together.

They arrived at Llanfair and went in. they heard a lot of talking coming from the library and when they entered they noticed most of the family was there.

"Natalie, darling you're home" Vicky said as she went over to her and hugged her.

"I'm so glad darling, we all were so worried about you" Vicky said as she motioned to everyone in the room. Almost everyone was there, Jess, Antonio, Clint, Kevin, Kelly, and Bo. John took a deep breath when he saw everyone. Maybe this wasn't the best time to tell them, he thought to himself.

"Mom, everyone this is John" Natalie said and John took another deep breath as he was relieved that she realized now wasn't the best time to tell everyone. But before anyone had a chance to greet him Natalie spoke again.

"My husband," Natalie said and everyone stood shocked and speechless except for one very loud voice.

"What!" Antonio said as he approached John.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 

"What!" Antonio said again approaching John.

"This is John Mcbain and he's my husband," Natalie said to Antonio as he walked over to her and John.

"He can't be" Antonio said as he stopped in front of the two of them

"Of course he can and he is! What the hell is wrong with you Antonio, you're acting strange." Natalie said as she saw Jessica walk over to them, everyone else was still trying to rack their brains around how Natalie could have done something so impulsive.

"Natalie, I think Antonio is just a little upset because he still thinks of you as Christians wife although, well, you know what I'm saying." Jessica told Natalie as she approached john. Jessica held out her hand to shake John's.

"Hi, I'm Natalie's sister Jessica, we met at your brother Michaels party," Jessica said to John as they shook hands, Antonio was still mad at something and it was confusing everyone.

"It's nice to see you again Jessica" John said as he saw Antonio's glare start to soften a little bit.

Jessica went to Natalie and hugged her. Jessica leaned into Nat's ear and whispered into it.

"As long as you're happy Nat, I'm happy for you but I'm not to sure it's gonna be as easy for them." Jessica whispered as she looked over at the rest of the family that were glaring towards John.

"I'll handle it" Natalie said back to Jessica in a soft voice only she could hear. Natalie and Jessica watched Kevin make his way towards Nat, and John and they prepared themselves.

"So you just marry my sister? After what knowing her three or four days? What kind of man does that?" Kevin said starting to get in John's face.

"Kevin, this really isn't any of your business, we're married and that's all you need to know, if you can't and won't understand it I don't give a shit, it's my life," Natalie said as she got in front of Kevin before he got to close to John. Kevin took his focus off of John and stared at Natalie.

"None of my business, you know Nat you go and do these stupid things all the time and then we your family have to clean up your messes. I bet you didn't even think about a prenup, did you? You really can be a stupid twit sometimes," Kevin said with an arrogant tone and John didn't like it. John moved himself in between the two and then when he heard Kevin's last remark John calmly lost his cool.

"I don't care that you're her brother, don't ever let me catch you talking to her like that again." John said as he stared at Kevin intensely. They stared for a few minutes.

"Okay, Okay now lets just hold back on all the name calling and accusations, Kevin don't you and Kelly have to get to BE for that meeting?" Clint said as he approached them, Kevin nodded his head and he and Kelly left the house.

"Maybe the rest of us should leave too," Jessica said as she and Antonio walked out the door followed by Uncle Bo. Bo stopped by Natalie and John on his way out the door.

"I'm happy for ya honey, you look good, real good with everything you've been through" Bo said as he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Bo went over to john and shook his hand.

"Welcome to the family, I'll see you at work tomorrow" Bo said as he shook John's hand.

"Thanks, I'll be there" John told him and Bo turned and gave Natalie one last look and a wink.

"Good luck honey" Bo mumbled to her as he walked out of the library.

When Bo left he closed the doors to the library and Natalie took John's hand and walked him over to the couch by where Vicky and Clint were standing.

"I know this is a shock to both of you and I know with everything that's happened over the last few days that maybe you think I made, we made a hasty decision but we don't feel that way, we love each other and It doesn't always matter how long you know someone, it's how well you know them inside that counts." Natalie said as she looked at both of her parents with their own private debates going on in their heads.

"Natalie, Darling are you sure this was a wise decision, I mean with everything that just happened to you, with being kidnapped by that awful man and finding out things from your past. I just don't want you to regret this, maybe if the two of you gave each other time to learn more about each other, get to know each other more, spend more time together, then maybe, but it happened so fast." Vicky said trying to get her point across.

"I love your daughter Ms. Davidson, and that's all that matters," John told Vicky as Vicky just glared at him

"No offense Detective McBain but you don't know my daughter. I don't mean to sound harsh but this could all be a hero thing. You saved my daughter, for which we are very thankful for but then she thinks she's in love with you." Vicky said as John stood up.

"Yeah, your right I saved her, and I would do it everyday of my life if I had to because I love her so much. But, I'm not the only one who's done the saving here. Natalie saved me too, I had a dark life till I met her, she brightened it, she made me feel, she made me love, and she made me realize she's my fate. Now I'm sorry if you don't like the situation or how it came about but we will not apologize for it or be ashamed of it, the fact is that we love each other and we didn't want to waste any more time in our lives being apart." John said as he grabbed Natalie's arm and guided her up. They turned knowing anything they would say to either of her parents wouldn't make a difference. They started to walk to the front door when Vicky and Clint both came up behind them and asked them to wait.

"Are you sure baby? I mean I don't know him, could he just be after your trust fund?" Clint said and Natalie was done being nice.

"Go home Dad, go back to London, I think you know as much about me as you know about John. I don't know why I thought you could actually be here for me just this once." Natalie said as she and John walked out the front door. She looked back quickly when she heard Vicky call for her but she didn't stop walking. She knew they would be like this, somehow she knew, she didn't doubt that they loved her but they just were never very supportive of the things she did, yes she did stupid things sometimes but this wasn't one of them. They walked to the car in silence when John turned to face her.

"Are you alright?"

'Yeah, I am, as long as I'm with you" Natalie said and he took her hand and helped her in the car. They drove to Nat's house so she could get a few things to take back to his hotel room that they would be calling home for a little while as they searched for a place all their own.

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The next few months went by fast, John and Nat found a small house not far from town and they moved into it. Natalie had her cottage up for sale and she had already gotten an offer on it. They were blissfully happy with each other and their new marriage even if some of Natalie's family wasn't. Natalie and Vicky had a long talk and the two came to understand where the other was coming from and Vicky eventually gave Natalie and John her blessing. Clint, well he was a different story, he was acting just like Asa, a stubborn ass. He refused to see their marriage as anything but a mistake. Natalie hadn't spoken to him since the day they announced their marriage and she wouldn't till be changed his way of thinking. Then there were the family members that were supportive, Uncle Bo, Jessica, Michael, Roxy and even Rex believe it or not. Rex even liked John, when they weren't arguing over football that was. But for some reason Antonio and Carlotta were acting strangely, very strangely, not that they were acting like they didn't approve but when ever John and Nat were around them Antonio got quiet, very quiet, and Carlotta got nervous, very nervous. It bothered Natalie so she decided while John was at work she would go confront them, both of them, first Antonio and then Carlotta. Natalie knew Jessica was on assignment when she showed up at the apartment Jess and Antonio shared.

"Come in" Antonio screamed from the kitchen when he heard someone knock on his door. Natalie walked into the apartment and she saw Antonio's face when he saw it was her.

"Hey, what's going on?" Antonio asked her as he went over and kissed her cheek hello.

"I was kinda hoping you'd tell me," Natalie asked as she took a good look at him. He was trying to avoid her eyes.

"What? Not sure I know what you're talking about Nat" Antonio said as he started to pick up some stuff Jamie had thrown around the apartment.

" Yes, you do, you've been acting weird and I want to know why? Is it because of Christian?" Natalie asked as she made him stop picking up stuff and look at her when she spoke to him.

"Antonio, I know you loved Chris very much and maybe you are just feeling bad cause I've moved on with my life while you're brother is dead but I really think Chris would want this for me, want me to be happy, want me to have a life again, to live again." Natalie said staring at him

"My brother Christian, the brother I grew up with, he would have done anything for you, he would've wanted you to be happy." Antonio said and Natalie gave him a weak smile, she found herself thinking the way he was talking was still odd but she ignored it, she felt it was just something he would deal with in time, something he would have to get use to in time.

"I'm sorry I've been strange lately, I promise once I get use to it, it won't happen anymore, he seems to really Love you Natalie and I'm happy for you." Antonio said as he kissed her forehead.

"Thanks, that means a lot to me, I'm gonna go now, I'm on my way to the diner to talk to your mom about the same thing." Natalie said and Antonio jumped.

"What? No, you can't. I mean my mom's sick with a flu or something" Antonio said

"Okay, ummm. Alright I'll just see her when she gets better, can you give her my love and tell her I hope she feels better if you see her" Natalie said as Antonio shook his head and Natalie left. She left with a bad feeling, a feeling that there was something else going on but she shook it off for now.

Meanwhile at the police station John was at his desk working on some files when Bo came into his office.

"John, I just got a call from the detectives in AC, they've got a lead on who put the hit out on Louie Stokes. It was the Santi organization." Bo told John as he took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"The Santi's Huh? Did they say why? Did they find out anything else?" John asked Curious

"Nope that was all they knew, they said they'd continue to keep us informed" Bo said as he got up to leave.

"Wait a minute, I remember Natalie telling me Antonio is really a Santi, could he have anything to do with this" John asked Bo before he left the room

"Doubt it, Antonio walked away when he found out he was a Santi, he wanted nothing to do with that life, nothing at all." Bo said and he left John with a puzzled look on his face. While John was still in his thoughts there was a knock on his door, he looked up to see his beautiful wife standing there with two bags of food. Natalie walked in and put the food on his desk and walked around the desk to go over by him.

"Hey" John said as she gave him a long wet kiss hello.

"Hey, yourself" Natalie said as his arms went around her waist and he pulled her into another kiss.

"Whats going on? I thought you had errands to run today," John asked as he stared into her eyes.

"I do but I always have time to bring my husband lunch, since I know he won't take the time to stop and go out for some." Natalie said as she moved out of his grip and sat in one of the seats in front of his desk. John returned to his seat and she opened the bags and started handing him his lunch.

"Burgers and Fries from Rodi's you are to good to me" John said as he took the food from her. He started to eat and he noticed she didn't have any food in front of her.

"Didn't you get yourself anything? Don't tell me you still aren't hungry" John asked remembering that last night at dinner she just picked at her food, that she said she wasn't that hungry.

"I had a late breakfast and I'm just not in the mood for all the grease," Natalie told him and they engaged in small talk

"We found out who was behind Louie's hit today, it was the Santi organization" John told her when he felt she was relaxed. They had spoke about Louie before and everything that happened but he still didn't like to dampen her mood by bringing it up too much.

"The Santi's Huh? But why? What's the motive behind it?" Natalie asked

"Not sure, the AC police are looking into that now, didn't you tell me that Antonio was a Santi? The next in line after Manuel Santi died?'

"Yeah, but Antonio wanted nothing to do with that life, his fathers life"

"Wait, if Antonio was Manuel's son then he and Chris weren't really brothers?"

"Yeah, that's true not biologically but Carlotta raised them as brothers, so they'll always be in their hearts, Manuel was Carlotta's brother, it's a long drawn out story that I'd rather not get into right now, I'm not feeling real well. I'll see ya at home later" Natalie said as she stood and reached over for a quick kiss on the lips

"Are you alright?"

" Yes, I'm fine, I'm so tried of hearing you ask me that sometimes, I'm just a little lightheaded but I'm fine, I have a few more errands and then I'll go home to rest before my shift at Rodi's." Natalie told him as he walked her to his office door.

"Promise you'll rest," John asked and she nodded her head yes

"And if you don't feel good don't go to work, stay home and I'll come take care of you" John told her and she smiled. She remembers how he takes care of her all right, it starts off with him tucking her in bed, then he snuggles with her and then they make love, then they snuggle again and joke about maybe making a baby. Wait, Natalie left his office and remembered, remembered what she just thought about, making a baby. She got a smile on her face and walked across the street to the hospital.

Natalie walked over to the Nurse's desk and asked to see a doctor about getting a pregnancy test done. Natalie was unaware that Carlotta was a few feet away and she overheard what Natalie just asked for.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 

Natalie sat in the exam room fully clothed waiting for a doctor to come in, a nurse had been in prior and she drew her blood for a blood test and now she was waiting impatiently for the doctor to give her the results. She watched Michael walk in with his nose in her chart.

"Okay, I see that your blood tests are positive so, congratulations Mrs.. Mrs.. Mrs.. McBain?" Michael said not looking at the name on the chart till after he read the results, then he for the first time looked up and saw Natalie sitting on the table with a big smile on her face.

"Omg Nat! You're pregnant, does John know, I mean of course he doesn't know for sure yet but does he know you are here and that you might be, why isn---" Michael was rambling on and on when Natalie talked over him and shut him up.

"Michael, Michael, he doesn't know anything yet, I wasn't feeling great and I missed my period so I took a chance to come an see if it was true. Don't say anything to him, I want to find the perfect time to tell him." Nat told Michael as she stood to leave

"What ever you say Nat, I'm just so excited to be a uncle, you know I couldn't tell him anyway, right, patient doctor thing, so your secret is safe with me, I can't and I won't tell my brother he's going to be a father, Omg what a good day this is turning out to be. First I ..." Michael started rambling again and Natalie left the office and went out to the nurse's desk to finish up paper work when Michael finally realized she was gone and he ran out into the hall to catch her.

'Wait, wait, these are prenatal vitamins, take one a day, everyday," Michael said as he handed her the bottle of vitamins, Natalie and Michael were both unaware that Carlotta was still lurking watching and listening to everything they had been saying. Michael gently kissed Natalie goodbye on her cheek and Natalie left the hospital. Michael returned to the exam room and Carlotta followed Natalie outside, she stopped by the front doors of the hospital as she watched Natalie get in her car and drive off. Carlotta pulled out her cell phone and made a call.

"It's me, it isn't going to be so easy, remember I told you about the man she's married to, I'm sorry son but she's pregnant with his child. There's no chance for the two of you again, even if you get her to understand and she forgives you. Please just let her be, she seems happy, isn't that what you wanted?" Carlotta told someone on the other end of the phone, she finished her conversation and left.

Natalie walked into their house, their home, hers and John's, and she was beaming, beaming from ear to ear. She was pregnant, pregnant with his child, they weren't taking precautions because it was something they both wanted and wanted right away but she was still a little shocked that it happened so fast. They've only been married two months and they were already pregnant, pregnant with their first child. Her smile was getting brighter and brighter and she started to think about how happy he was going to be when she told him, when she told him, she thought, what is the best way to do that? When would be the best time to do that, tell him she was going to have a baby, to tell him she was going to give him this amazing gift, a child, she couldn't contain her joy and she decided to call Rodi's and tell them she didn't feel good and that she wouldn't be coming in to work tonight. She called and then she again tried to figure out how to tell him, she thought for a few more minutes and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for long so she decided to tell him tonight. She called him at the office to make sure he wasn't working too late and she purposely didn't mention that she would be home when he got here. She made a big dinner knowing that he usually came home straight after work and she lit candles all around the living room. She closed all the lights and she took the roast she made for dinner out of the oven, she placed it on the counter when she heard the front door, he was home, and she was getting very anxious to see the look on his face when she told him.

She walked out of the kitchen and looked through the candlelight to see the back of him looking at the pictures of the two of them on the mantle. She got closer and approached him but something felt weird, strange, he turned and it wasn't him. Natalie looked into the face of what she thought must have been a ghost and she fainted, he caught her and while she was still unconscious he carried her out of the house.

John arrived home and he saw all the lit candles on the mantle and around the house and he smiled, she must have taken the night off and she wanted to surprise him. He walked quietly into the kitchen to sneak up on her and she wasn't in there, the oven was on and there was a roast on the counter but she was nowhere to be found. He felt a knot in his stomach and he frantically searched the house, she wasn't there, she wasn't in their home. He immediately called Bo to come over. When Bo arrived John was searching the grounds of the house.

"I cant find her Bo, I ...I.. Don't know where she could be," John told Bo frantically

"Calm down John, have you called Vicky? Jessica, any of them?" Bo asked

"Yes, I didn't want to alarm Vicky but I told Jessica and she and Antonio are on their way over" John told bo as he went back inside to look for more clues.

John was in the kitchen when Antonio arrived, Antonio went over to the mantle and something caught his eye, a picture of them, a picture of John and Nat, John's face in the picture looked like it was scratched at. He knew he had to tell them, tell them all the truth, even if no one ever forgave him for doing it, he thought he was doing it for their own good, for Natalie's own good, for his brothers own good.

John walked out of the kitchen and saw Antonio turn when he heard him. John approached Antonio at the mantle and he could tell he wanted to say something.

"Don't worry she's safe, he won't hurt her, he would never hurt her" Antonio told John as he handed him the picture from the mantle.

Natalie woke up in a big bedroom with what looked to be all the furnishings of the bedroom she use to share with Chris, she got up off the bed she was laying on and she looked to the chair next to the window and he was sitting there, a man, the man who took her from her home, her home with John. She was terrified yet she knew for her sake and her baby's she needed to be smart about this, she needed to keep her cool.

"Who are you and why do you look like my dead husband? Why did you bring me here?" Natalie asked approaching him cautiously as the man stood.

"It's me Natalie, It's me, I'm not really dead" Christian said as he walked closer, he put out his hand to touch her cheek and she backed up slightly, not going to far.

"No, My Christian is dead," she said, as she felt frozen in her spot. He got closer to her and she didn't move this time. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.

"I'm alive Natalie, I'm alive," he said as he saw she didn't resist the first kiss so he went in for another.

Natalie felt his lips the first time and she knew it was him. It was really him, but then with the second all she could think about was John, her heart, his heart, their souls, their baby that she was now carrying. She raised her hand and slapped him in the face.

Chris' hand immediately went to his face where she slapped him and he held it there.

"Don't ever do that again! I'm a married woman," Natalie said as she stared into his eyes. She didn't recognize his eye's they were different. They were harsh looking.

"Yeah, I know you're married, to me!" Chris said as he gave Natalie an intense stare that scared her. She backed up to a door that she believed must have been the bathroom and she locked herself in it.

Chris walked over to the door and talked thru it.

"You're still my wife Natty, not his, you can't stay in there that long, and when you decide to come out we can get on with our lives, you, me and your baby's." Chris said as he turned and went over to the door of the room. He knocked on it and a big goon opened it from the outside, Chris walked out and told the man to make sure his wife, Mrs Vega was comfortable but under no circumstances was she to leave that room.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 

"What do you mean he won't hurt her? Who has my wife?" John demanded Antonio tell him. John looked at the picture and saw his face scratched out on it. He saw Antonio pause before he went to open up his mouth and then Antonio looked towards the door as Jess and Bo walked in. John turned Antonio's head abruptly with his hand and made him look at him.

"Tell me who has her and why?" John demanded as Jess and Bo walked closer wanting to hear this themselves.

"She's with her husband" Antonio said and he saw the anger start to build up inside of John.

"You're not making sense. I'm her husband," John told him and Antonio knew how hard this was for John, he knew how hard the decision he had made last year was for him, for his mom, and for Chris. But he really did think they were doing the right thing.

"I'm sorry John, but you aren't her husband, her husband, my brother, he was never killed in Vegas. It was a cover up." Antonio told John and then looked at Jessica and mouthed an "I'm sorry" to her. John took a deep breath and motioned for him to continue.

"Before Vegas Chris wanted to give Natalie everything, everything she ever dreamt about and he knew he could never financially compete with the money she had. So my pig headed little brother started gambling, gambling a lot. He lost a lot, he owed a lot of people money, big money and if he didn't pay up somehow they were going to make him pay. I didn't know about any of this till after Vegas but I'll get into that again later. He had no where to turn, he had no way of paying them back all the money he owed them so when they made him an offer he was in no position to refuse. Since he was a Santi half by blood they offered to take him into their dealings and operations so he could pay off his debt." Antonio was interrupted when Jessica spoke.

"You mean to tell me Chris, our Chris, was working for the Santi's when he married my sister? And none of us knew about it?" Jessica asked and Antonio continued.

"I didn't even know, Chris didn't say a word to anyone especially not Natalie, he knew if he told her she would be disappointed in him and he knew she deserved better than to live a life with him, see, once he had that lifestyle he became greedy, he lost all that was important to him, so he let it go, all that was important to him that is, Natalie. He thought it better she think he was dead than find out what he became, became because of his stupid pride. So the Santi's set up the Vegas sting, Natalie was already involved with pool and agent Fisher was already on the take."

"So, you mean to tell us it was a fake, Christian getting killed in Vegas was staged?" Bo asked as he saw John start to pace back and forth across his living room floor.

"Yes, it was staged and very well I must add. I fell for it, and Natalie even fell for it. It looked so real, the gun shot, the blood, it was all fake so that he could leave Natalie thinking what a wonderful man he was and so Chris could go on working for the Santi's with a clear conscience." Antonio told all of them

"A clear conscience! Are you kidding me? He lied to her and pretended to be killed. Did he ever think of the pain she would go through, go through after supposedly seeing him shot and taken away from her, or was that the plan, the plan to make it so impossible for her to want to love again because of all the heartache and pain. It would've been so much easier for her to get over him if he just left her, even just left her at the alter but to fake being killed, and fake it in front of her, he wanted her to grieve for him and not move on with her life. What an manipulative son of a bitch!" John said as he angrily said the last part into Antonio's face.

"Hey, I understand your hurting here but don't talk about him that way! He loves her, he always did and he always will," Antonio said as the two men glared at each other

"So why come back now then, why? He's so wonderful, he did it for her, bullshit he did it for him. He's taken her now because you must have told him about me, about her getting married and being happy again." John continued as he still was in Antonio's face.

"He wasn't the one to tell him, I was," they all turned to see Carlotta walk into the house.

"You knew too?" John asked as he walked closer to Carlotta

"I was the one who told Antonio after Vegas, Chris came to me and told me it all, all of it and I prayed it wasn't true but it was, all of it, she's with him now and I'm not sure if she wants to be or not. His plan was to come back and tell her the truth, tell her someday when he was free of that life but he hadn't freed himself in a year and I'm not really sure he wants to anymore. I spoke to him today, earlier when I saw Natalie at the hospital, I told him to leave her be that she was happy with you, that she was remarried and that the two of you were expecting but I guess it just made him m--"

Carlotta tried to finish her sentence and John cut her off.

"What do you mean we are expecting?" John asked as he looked at her

"Oh, My, I'm so sorry, you don't know yet, she didn't get a chance to tell you, I'm sorry," Carlotta said as a few stray tears fell down her cheeks

"Do you mean my sister is pregnant?" Jessica asked as she looked at John while asking Carlotta the question.

"I think, I..I..I overheard she and Dr. McBain talking about it. I'm so sorry John, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault, it's all my fault," Carlotta kept saying over and over again.

John walked out of the room and into the kitchen for a minute to regain himself, were these people crazy, he thought to himself. They supposedly love her so much and all they do is lie to her, cause her pain. Her dead husband is alive, she's not really my wife, he thought, and she's having my baby. This should be a happy thing but right now John couldn't think about anything but getting her back and if she would want to come back, come back to him, of course she would, he thought, they were each others destiny, they were meant to be, I would never lie to her the way these people have, I would never hurt her the way they have" she's my wife damn it! And she's having my baby. "John said to himself out loud in the kitchen and then he shook off his anger and fear of losing her and walked calmly back inside to the living room.

"Did you tell him about Louie and that she was kidnapped?" John asked Carlotta as he walked back into the living room.

"Yes, I told him all of it, he told me a few days after Natalie was back that he was the one to take care of Louie." Carlotta answered as she continued to be sorry for her part in keeping the secret.

"Do you have any idea where he has her?" John asked Carlotta as the others found it best not to interrupt them from speaking.

" Yes, I know where they are but I think it's best you're not the one to go get her" Carlotta said to John and she along with everyone else saw the rage in his face.

"You think it's best I don't go get her, you people should be ashamed of yourselves. Lying to her all this time, making her suffer like she did, you have no right to tell me what's best for her since I'm obviously the only one here that truly loves her. Now tell me where she is or I'll have you arrested," John said looking around the room at everyone, nobody dared say a word to John and Carlotta gave him all the information he needed.

"Natalie please come out, I won't hurt you, I love you" Chris said as he again tried to get her to come out of the bathroom. She had been in there for a good hour and he had tried to explain things to her thru the door, he had explained why he did what he did and how he went about doing it. She stayed silent the whole time.

Natalie sat on the floor of the bathroom with her back to it, she listened to every word he said and she just wanted to go home, go home to john, to their house, have their child and live happily ever after, she didn't want him in her life, she didn't care why he thought he needed to do those things for her, yeah, she was enraged that people who swore to love her so much could do these type things, and do them to her but it didn't matter right now, all that mattered was getting back to John and feeling safe in his arms.

"I want you to let me go. For good this time. I don't love you anymore" Natalie said finally speaking thru the door.

"Natalie I know you do" Chris said so sure of himself as he continued to stand outside of the bathroom.

"No, Chris I don't, I never did, not the way I love John, He and I are meant to be, you and I were never suppose to be long term." Natalie told him as she got up off the floor.

"I'll let you go if you prove it to me, prove you don't love me anymore, make love to me one last time"


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 

"Natalie, did you here me, prove to me you don't love me by making love with me and if you don't feel anything I'll let you get back to your... your new life" Chris said as Natalie thought about it for a minute, she slowly opened the lock of the door and went out.

"'It wouldn't be making love, it would be sex, and if it's going to get me back to John then I will." Natalie told him as he walked in front of him and looked into his cold eyes.

"You love him that much to have sex with someone just to get back to him? Or is that maybe you don't want to but you still love me?" Chris asked her, as he got closer to her.

"I love him that much and if it'll get me back to him then I'll do it, I'd do anything to get back to him and his safe arms" Natalie told Chris as she didn't move away from him. They just stared at each other for a few minutes.

"Maybe you just want to make love with me because you still love me?" Chris told her not breaking eye contact.

"Well if that's what you wanna think, think it'll be making love to you, fantasize that it'll be love and like it use to be, go right ahead, but I won't be, I won't be thinking it's love, it won't be love for me, just something I've gotta do to get back to the man I really love." Natalie told him hoping to see a glimmer of the man Chris use to be, a glimmer that stopped all this before she had to be with him that way.

Meanwhile 

John, Bo and Antonio arrived at the address Carlotta gave them. Antonio rang the bell and a big man came to the door. Because Antonio was a Santi and most of the organization knew of him and that he was Christian's family the man let him in. Bo pulled his gun on the man and Antonio and John made there way up to the bedroom that the man told Antonio that Nat and Chris were in. Antonio and John both stopped at the door to the room and they listened for movement, it was very important that Chris not feel threatened or he might do something reckless and although they didn't think he would ever intentionally hurt Natalie they just didn't want to take that chance.

Inside the room

"How do you love him more than you love me? How is your love different?" Chris asked her starting to soften at least she thought she saw him start to soften

"I'm not really sure how to describe it, it just is" Natalie told him and she saw him get impatient so she started to describe it the best she could.

"I feel it with my whole body, my love for him, it comes from somewhere deep inside me, my soul. I loved you Chris and I mourned you but our love was first love, it taught me I could love and that was it's purpose, but John, his love is the forever together kind of love, an awful twist of fate brought our hearts together when we were younger and now our hearts have found their way back to each other. That is the best way I can explain it, will you please just let me go, go home to him " Natalie asked almost begging him

"I can't do that Natalie, you were mine first, I still love you" Chris said as he walked away from her a few feet with his back to her.

"Then do it Damn it! Right now! Take me so we can get this over with and I can get back to him. Take me now!" Natalie said as she ran up into his face, she pushed him back as she used her words. She pushed him back so far he was at the foot of the bed. With one final push she pushed him on the bed and she landed on top of him.

"Is this what you want Chris, This, come on lets get it over with, use your mind and your hands and make love to me, the one last time you've been dreaming about, do it!" Natalie said wanting this over, if this was it, if this was what he really wanted, if this was what he dreamt about for the last year, than she wanted it done, over, she couldn't go on like this anymore. She erratically started to undo his belt and she felt him push her back. He pushed her off of him and he stood up.

"Not what you pictured when you dreamt about it Huh? Not what you imagined is it? Not what you remembered is it?" she told him coldly. Chris just shook his head and didn't know what to say.

"What's the matter Cat got your tongue or is it saving all it's energy for my throat" Natalie said bitterly and Chris turned and walked closer to her, he was mad at this point, at first he forgot, forgot who he was, what he was, part of the Santi's, a man who took what he wanted, for a few minutes there with her, he was just Chris Vega, the kind artist, but now he realized, realized she shouldn't talk to him like that, realized that although she didn't want to still be his wife, she still was and it was time he took his wife back, in more ways than one.

He moved even closer and Natalie saw the look in his eyes, the harsh look that she knew wasn't good. She saw the anger in his face and his fists were squeezed together as he approached her.

"Get away from me!" She screamed and John heard it from outside. John couldn't hold back any longer, he couldn't wait outside for the perfect time and He barged into the room with his gun pointed.

The door slammed open and John pointed the gun at Chris who had his hands on the buttons of Natalie's blouse.

"Let go of my wife or I'll shoot" John told him as Antonio also entered the room. Chris was about to grab Natalie and pull her in front of him when John didn't waste anytime and he shot him in the leg. Chris grabbed his leg and Natalie wasted no time running to John. John put one arm around her as he still had the gun pointed at Chris. He pulled her into his chest and she held on to him as if her life depended on it, and it did. Her life depended on John, since she was a little girl the outcome of her life had depended on him, on who he was and who he would be, and right now who he was, was her husband, in her heart and in her soul, even if legally it wasn't so, that's who he was. And that's who he was always meant to be.

After a few minutes passed Bo and a few officers came upstairs and arrested Chris.

John put his gun down and held her with both arms, he pulled her out of his embrace not to far and looked at her, she was okay, she was going to be okay, his angel, his life, his destiny.

"Lets get you to the hospital so Mikey can check you out" He said and he saw her about to protest when he again spoke.

"I wanna make sure my wife and my child are alright," John said as he gave her a small smile, which she mirrored with her own.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 

John and Natalie arrived home in the early morning after a long night at the hospital and the station. Michael had run all sorts of tests to make sure Natalie and the baby was all right. John insisted on waiting for the results and it took a couple of hours, then Natalie wanted to go to the station to give her statement. John had tried to get her to wait till later, later after she had some rest but she had insisted she wanted it over with, she wanted things done, she wanted anything having to do with Chris and her life before John done. John had driven home and tried to watch her to the best of his abilities while he drove, he was worried about her, so worried, the Louie stuff wasn't that long ago and he wasn't sure how she would be handling this so shortly after all of that. John knew it was killing her, everything was killing her inside, it seemed most of the people who claimed to have love her lied to her in some way, that or they just weren't there for her when she needed them. He thanked God he was thou, he was thankful that fate had brought them back together again. Back together so he could always take care of her, always make things right for her or at least try and make things right for her, try to keep her safe.

John led Natalie into the bedroom and he helped her change into her pajamas. Without words they got under the covers and he held her. Natalie's back was to his chest and his arms were around her tight. As tight as John could hold her, that was what he would do, that's what he would do for the rest of his life, hold onto her tightly and never let go. After a few minutes he could tell she still wasn't asleep and he pulled her back closer to his chest and spoke into her ear.

"I love you Natalie, I'm always going to be here for you, I'd never lie to you" John told her softly into her ear, reassuring her of his Love and of his devotion to her.

"Thank you" Natalie replied softly as she brought his hand that were resting on her belly up to her lips and kissed it gently. She settled into his arms and fell asleep.

Sometime around noon John was woken by the doorbell, he ran downstairs to stop the impatient person who was now knocking. Natalie was still asleep and he wanted her to continue to sleep. He opened the door and saw who the impatient people were.

"What can I help you with?" John asked both Clint and Kevin as they stood at the door.

"We wanted to come by and see if Natalie was alright." Clint told John.

"She's fine, have a good day," John said as he was about to close the door on them. Clint put his hand out before he could.

"John please, can we come in, we just want to make sure she doesn't need anything" Clint asked as John made a stern face and against his better judgment he let them in.

"She's a sleep and I don't want her woken up so keep your voices down" John told them as they walked into the house.

"Was she hurt, did you have her checked out by a doctor?" Kevin asked as John took offense with Kevin thinking everyone was stupid.

"Like I already said she's fine and so is the baby" John said looking at Kevin

"Baby? Is my daughter pregnant?" Clint asked as John turned his head and focused on Clint.

"Yes, I just assumed Jess would have told you. Now that you know how she is I'd like you to leave before she hears or sees you, she's been under enough stress, I'm not sure it would be good for her or the baby if she caught the both of you here" John told them as he made his way to the door.

" John, I need to ask you something before we go, what are your intentions for my daughter?" Clint said not meaning for it to come out the way it did.

"My intentions! My intentions!" John said loudly as Clint was starting to piss him off.

"Well you aren't really married, not with Chris still alive, actually Chris and Nat are still married" Kevin added as the both men saw the look on John's face.

" Not that it's any of your business but my intentions are to love her the same way I've been loving her, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me whether I'm her husband or not, cause My heart says I Am! Get out!" John said raising his voice more than he should have.

Clint and Kevin realized this wasn't working out the way they had planned, they had planned to come here check on her and tell her they loved her and that they were sorry for being jerks but John wasn't going to let them near her, he was watching over her and he wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her ever again. Clint understood it, understood his commitment to her, to his Natalie. He actually admired him for it. Clint and Kevin left and Clint shook his head as they got in Kevin's car.

"We're just gonna have to show her," Clint said out loud.

"What?" Kevin asked confused

"Just drive Kevin, I have calls to make" Clint told him as Kevin drove

A few days went by and Natalie seem to be doing better, each night John had to hold her tight and reassure her that he would never do those things to her, never lie, never take her for granted. John went back to work and Natalie had still been feeling wiped out, tired, as if it had taken an emotional strain on her life, she also wasn't feeling well because of the pregnancy. She was putting on her makeup for she would be venturing out today, today for the first time since the night she found out Chris was alive. The night the man that she thought was Cristian kidnapped her. He was Chris but not the kind man she once fell in love with, not the man she loved once, once before she found her soul mate again, her love again, her John. She finished with her makeup and walked downstairs to leave the house when there was a knock at the door. She went over to it and opened it.

" Can I help you?" Natalie asked a deliveryman standing at her door.

"'Yes, Is this the McBain residence?" the man asked and Natalie's mind went to a place she was trying not to go to. She wasn't a Mcbain; she wasn't legally married to him. They had spoke about it and they would get married right after her divorce with Chris was legal. When she filed the papers her attorney told her it might take weeks before a judge signed off on them. She just was not happy about waiting weeks, she wanted her name again, It felt good to be a Mcbain, she wanted to be a Mcbain, not a Vega, not a Buchanan or even a Balsom again. Vega's were liars. Buchanan's they were money hungry and ambitious and she never felt like she fit in, and a Balsom, although she was one most of her life there were too many bad memories accompanied with being a Balsom. Mcbain, now just hearing it had made her smile, that's who she was, a Mcbain, that's who she was always meant to be. Natalie came out of her thoughts when the delivery guy spoke again.

"Excuse me, excuse me Ms. I have a delivery, can you sign here," The man said and he handed her a delivery slip to sign. Natalie signed it.

"What is it?" She said looking passed the man and seeing a very large box on the ground.

"It's your wedding dress," the man told her as he carried it inside

"Wait, wait a minute I.. I.." Natalie said as he cut her off her words after putting the box down on the couch.

"You're Natalie right?" he asked and Natalie nodded.

"Yes, it's yours have a nice day" the man said and he left.

Natalie sat on the couch next to the box and she started to open the box, curious and confused as to what was going on, she took the dress out and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was an off the shoulders sleeveless dress. It was off white color and had a plunging V- neck. It wasn't to long or to short it was the perfect length.

She was still admiring it when there was another knock on the door. She went over to answer it taking the dress with her, there was yet another deliveryman, this time with flowers, lots and lots of flowers, the man and his helpers brought them in and behind the men she saw Jessica.

"What are you doing here? Do you know what's going on?" Natalie asked with confusion still evident on her face.

"It's your wedding day silly, now lets get you dressed" Jessica told her, as Natalie still was very confused.


	18. Chapter 18 Smut

Chapter 18 

"Jessica, you're not making sense, I'm not getting married today, I can't, I'm still legally married to Chris" Natalie told jess as she walked over by the couch to put her dress back in the box

"Sure is a beautiful dress but I won't be wearing it today," Natalie said staring at the dress' beauty as she gently laid it in the box.

"Hey Natty babe, ready for your hair?" Roxy asked as she let herself in the house.

"Not you too Roxy! Like I just explained to Jess here. I can't get married to John again today, not any day till I'm divorced from Chris." Natalie said as she took the box and carried it over to the table by the stairs so she could sit down. Natalie went to sit and Jessica grabbed her arm before she could.

"What?" Natalie asked he Jessica when she took her arm

"I have very strict orders to get you ready and on time, lets go" Jessica said forceful

Natalie was about to say something and again there was someone at the door.

"Jeeze, this place is like grand central station today, let me guess is it my wedding cake" Natalie said sarcastic as she walked over to the door and opened it to see a four layer tiered wedding cake.

Natalie couldn't take it anymore; she just started laughing and laughing. The men were in the process of putting the cake down on the table in the foyer when John walked in.

"Whoa, somebody getting married in here" John asked jokingly.

"Yeah, according to my wacky sister and Roxy it's us" Natalie told him as she watched him come closer to her.

"Well do you want it to be us?" He looked into her eyes and asked her

"What?" Natalie answered confused

"Because it could be, could be us today. "John told her as Natalie continued to look puzzled until John spoke again.

"I ran home to give these to you, I found them on my desk at the station, they're your divorce papers, they've been filed, it's official, you are no longer a Vega. You could be a McBain again by the end of the day today, that's if you still want to be a Mcbain again," John said as he got even closer to her, he stared into her eye's and brought his arms around her and pulled her in for a soft kiss.

"I never stopped being one," she said as she went in for a second kiss. They were so busy kissing that they forgot anyone else was in the room until Roxy snapped her gum loudly to get their attention.

"You know, we really have to get you dressed the guests should be arriving in about half an hour," Jessica said as she got closer to them when they finally stopped kissing.

"Guests? " Natalie questioned Jessica

" Yes, guests now come on, it's bad luck to see the groom before the wedding." Jessica said and pushed Nat up the stairs in the foyer.

"Hey wait! Where am I supposed to get dressed? Natalie, honey I don't know what to wear," John said as he called after the girls as they went up the stairs.

"Well it's a good thing I was told to come early," Michael said as he came into the foyer.

Half Hour later

Natalie was upstairs sitting in the chair by their bed, hers and John's. She was all dressed and ready to go. Ready to go get married to the man she truly loved, the man that truly loved her, the love of her life, the love that would last a lifetime.

"Hey, Jess said you wanted to see me" Kevin said as Natalie stood and walked closer to him.

"You look beautiful Natalie, just beautiful" Kevin said as he kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, and not just for all this but..but well for being you. Being self-righteous, self-centered at times. Arrogant.." Natalie said smiling while fixing his tie that was crooked.

"Okay, you can stop with the flattery now" Kevin told her as he smiled at her. They both turned when they saw Clint and Jessica walk in the room.

"It's time," Jessica said and Kevin escorted her out the door giving Natalie and Clint a few minutes to speak.

"You are the most beautiful bride I've ever seen, don't tell your mom" Clint said and then nudged her with his shoulder a little at the last part.

"Thanks Daddy, thanks for everything, for the wedding, for this beautiful dress, I still can't believe you picked it out all by yourself"

"Well.. I kind of had help, Roxy was passing by the shop and she kind of came in and helped, actually now that I think about it.. That isn't even the dress I picked out for you. The one I picked out went straight across the top with no show of cleavage" Clint said as he stepped away from her for a minute and took a good look at the dress.

" Roxy must have had them switch the dresses, sorry dad but I really do love this dress, cleavage and all." Natalie said trying not to hurt his feeling. Clint laughed and gave her a big smile.

"That's okay all that matters is that you're happy, you, John and my soon to be grandchild" Clint said and leaned in and gave her a fatherly kiss on the cheek.

Natalie and Clint left her bedroom and proceeded to walk to the stairs. Once at the top, they met Jessica there and they all looked down the stairs towards the foyer where the ceremony was to be performed.

"We better go, John's starting to sweat down there, I think he's nervous," Jessica said as they could see Natalie's soul mate from the top of the stairs.

"That's ridiculous, John doesn't sweat, he's Mr. cool as a cucumber," Natalie said as she stood with Clint behind Jessica waiting to go down the stairs.

"Come see for yourself" Jessica said and she moved so Natalie could get a look at John.

"He's not sweating cause he's nervous he's sweating cause he's wearing a velvet tux. Don't tell me Roxy picked out his tux too." Natalie said and they all laughed as Jessica started walking down the stairs first with Natalie and Clint a short ways behind her. Clint escorted his beautiful daughter down the stairs and he placed her in the arms of her soul mate.

John and Natalie were joined in Holy Matrimony in front of their family and friends. It was a beautiful ceremony that the Buchanan's surprised them with to show them how much they loved Natalie and how much they supporter her decision on marrying her soul mate.

Nine months later

" Hey, what time is it?" Natalie asked in a half asleep tone with her eyes closed as she felt him bring his body close to hers while she lay in bed.

"Two in the afternoon" John answered as he sat up slightly and took off his shirt. He pulled it up over his head and then laid back down pulling her back to his bare chest. John pushed the back of the tee shirt she was wearing up towards her head and started to pull it off of her as she still laid trying desperately to get as much rest as possible.

"John, I'm really tired and JT will be waking from his nap soon" Natalie said as she felt his arms move around her again with his hands resting on her breasts.

"John, I'm a mess and if I don't sleep when he sleeps I'll be to exhausted to take care of him if he wakes up in the middle of the night again" Natalie said as she felt John's fingers find her nipples.

"Then I'll do it, you take care of me now and I'll take care of him tonight, deal?" John asked as he started kissing the back of her neck as his thumbs made their way around and around her nipples.

"Come on, you know you wanna say yes, the doctor said it was okay, come on eight weeks is a long time for me to wait to, wait to be inside you and I was thinking" John said as he was nibbling on the back of her neck

"Thinking about what?" Natalie said as she turned her whole body around aroused and curious.

"Well, have you ever heard of Irish twins?" John said as Natalie understood perfectly and she gathered enough energy to plant a long wet heated kiss on his lips.

"What do ya say?" John asked her as he looked into her eyes and then leaned his head down slightly to tease her breasts with his mouth. While John was enjoying Natalie's breasts she took her time answering him, she was getting lost in the way her sensitive breasts were feeling. Finally after a few minutes Natalie was able to speak a few words.

"We only have twenty minutes before the prince wakes from his nap" Natalie said as John didn't hesitate to move and take off his pants. Natalie sat up still groggy and removed her pants and panties.

" That's okay I have a feeling it might only take ten" John said as he lay back down next to her. He looked into her eyes as they held each other naked for a few minutes and then he saw the desire in her eyes.

"We don't have time to take it slow John" Natalie said as she rolled him over so she was on top of him. Natalie leaned her head down and took his lips anxiously and accurately as her tongue enjoyed every inch of his mouth. John's hand automatically went to her breasts that were larger since giving birth to their son John Thomas.

"Wow! Do ya think they'll get any bigger with the next child? Maybe I'll just have to keep you bare foot and pregnant all the time" John said as he saw the hungry look on her face.

"You know, there are better things you could be doing with that mouth" Natalie told him as she moved her body up putting her breasts up into his face. John's mouth latched on to one of her breasts and sucked at her nipple till it was a hardened point, then he focused his mouth on the other as one hand went to her sensitive spot that was hovering over his stomach. His hands rubbed her sensitive area up and down till a finger gently glided inside her core and teased her as it went round and round her clit. His other hand went to her ass and grabbed it aggressively matching the actions of his mouth on her breasts. Natalie laid her arms and her hands spread out apart above John's head so he could obtain easier access to her breasts. She let out a few small moans as his finger continued to tease her when she sat up straight bringing her breast out of his mouth and she looked into his eyes. She continued to be sitting straight up on him straddling him when her hand reached in between her legs to stroke his penis, while his hands again found her breasts. She gently stroked him for a few seconds when they both heard it. They heard JT in the baby monitor. He was awake.

"Shit! That kids yours alright, he doesn't like anybody touching me not even his dad," Natalie said as she went to get off of him, John stopped her by pulling up his chest and grabbing her mouth with his.

"It's not gonna hurt that kid to wait, I was here first," John said with a devilish smirk and then he flipped Natalie over and quickly entered her.

"He'll forgive me if he has a brother," John said as he felt Natalie laugh from inside her. John started moving quickly, impatiently inside her as her walls started clenching around him. In and out he pushed into her core as they stared into each other's eyes. Continuing to stare as they reached their orgasms together. John leaned down before exiting her and kissed Natalie softly. He leaned his forehead on hers and said " I Love You" as they continued to hear JT cry louder ad louder till finally Natalie got up and started to walk out of the room. She stopped before leaving the room completely and looked at him.

"You know, you won't be liking that smug bare foot and pregnant remark too much if we were to have a girl," Natalie said as she left the room to go get JT.


	19. Epilogue

Epilogue 

John sat and he watched, he watched as his oldest son sat and waited to graduate, making it three generation of McBain's to be in law enforcement. Today was a proud day for him and he knew his dad would be proud also. Proud for the choices John had made, proud of John for being the kind of man he had always said he knew John would be. John looked over at Natalie and the kids. Kids he thought, they were all grown up. All four of them, the whole McBain clan as people usually called them. He was so proud of all of them, they along with Natalie was his life, way back in a time he barely remembered he had given up, given up on thinking he could have such a life, such a blessed life, and now, now he had, he had the day he found her, the day they realized what everything meant, the day they realized it wasn't coincidence that John was the boy on that beach, it was fate. Their fate, their families fate, actually that story was what made JT decide to become a police officer, the children had asked how they knew, knew they were meant to be and they had explained some of that day to them, then when the boys were older they had explained to them about some not so nice people in the world and that it was there job to help John take care of their baby sister Victoria. JT had made his decision that day, his decision to follow in his father and his grandfathers foot steps and become a cop.

It was most definitely a proud day for the McBain clan, for all of them. Natalie was determined for her children to be close, not just in age but emotionally close, they prided themselves on spending every sunday dinner together whether busy or not, Sunday was a Mcbain family day. Something her son's girlfriends didn't always agree with till Natalie set them straight, there was nothing coming between her Mcbain clan, nothing, those were her kids and she was not going to let anyone take her Sunday with them away. He looked over and saw Natalie start to tear up, he handed her a tissue for his pocket and then it was time for the graduates of the academy to get their diplomas. John whispered to Michael there second born son, the Irish twin they called him, to take care of Natalie as he walked up to the podium when they announced him as the commissioner of police.

John handed out twenty diplomas that day to twenty deserving young men but none was as deserving as his son, he thought. He was prejudice and he knew it, this was his boy, one of his boys, he was a man now as Natalie had pointed out to him several times over the past years, he was twenty one now. He continued to stand in the front of the podium and he watched as the Mcbain clan stood up making a scene when JT's name was called. Victoria even stood and screamed although she insisted it was too embarrassing of a thing.

After the ceremony was over they all went back to the house, the same house they had lived for twenty-two years. They had out grown it once Clint their third boy had come along and had thought about moving but Natalie decided she didn't want to, she loved this place, they rearranged things and added on, and then Victoria came a few years later. Natalie had wanted a girl so desperately after having the three boys and having them so close in age that John thought if it didn't happen that last time they might end up having six or ten kids. Oh, not that he would have minded, Natalie's body seem to improving year after year, child after child. John smirked and Natalie picked up on it.

"What?" Natalie asked

"Just thinking how blessed I am, that's all" John said walking over to the window in the living room overlooking the yard. He watched as his boys against protest carried his sixteen-year-old daughter outside with them to play football in the yard.

"Is that all you were thinking about?" Natalie asked as she too went over by the window to look outside at her kids.

"Are you too old to have another? I think we may have ten minutes," John asked with a sly smile and he led her upstairs to their bedroom.

The end


End file.
